Vizsla Flashback - The types of cool

Joseph Gordon Levitt - is there anything he Can't do?

The Types of Cool
first published 4-26-13

So yesterday afternoon I was thinking about Joseph Gordon-Levitt.


(You have no idea how tempted I am to just leave this blog post at that one sentence...)

For those who don't immediately recognize the name - He first rose to fame as the kid on Third Rock From the Sun, where he made the notable achievement of holding his own with John Lithgow, which is honestly no small feat.

This is him today (well, not TODAY literally, but 'these days')

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, being unexpectedly awesome

Stumbled across this the other day, and I suddenly realized.

Joe G-L is Stealth Cool.

He never really fell off the radar, but without us really noticing he went from being 'That Kid Who was Funnier than French Stewart' (I'm sorry, he was) to being unbelievably cool guy in the above video that you did not bother to click on the link for just casually throwing out a cover of Lithium like that's what we all do in our spare time.  His is an extreme form of what I call 'Neil Patrick Harris syndrome'.  

Which is when it occurred to me how many different manifestations of cool there are.

Neil Patrick Harris Cool

Now, it's no secret that Neil Patrick Harris was, somewhere about 5 years ago, declared Coolest guy on the Planet.  The guy makes magic cool.  The man more or less single-handedly brought back the word 'awesome'.  

He once accepted an award for his role in Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog with the words "I would say that Nathan Fillion is like the most genuine nicest guy to work with, but that would be a lie. Uh, he's a dick. And he pads his junk. Thanks so much!"

This was Doogie Howser

And so he is the living symbol of this type of cool - The 'I was really NOT cool, then you lost track of me and I cam back THE COOLEST EVER'

You know, like how we all wanted our 10 year high school reunions to go down.

Betty White Cool

Betty White has always been pretty cool.  Everybody knows that.  What is less frequently observed is that she is clearly the beneficiary of what I can only describe as an 'Awsomeness-Tontine' (you'll have to google it) with the rest of the cast of the Golden Girls, taking their cool into her own possession as each of them passed.

Well played, Betty.

Perception Filter Cool

I'm talking about the Tom Petty school of cool here.  There has never been a moment when Tom wasn't cool in the last several decades.  But, much like the Silence, when you look away from him it is somehow instantly wiped from your mind until the next time you hear the opening riff to American Girl and think, 'Oh yeah-  He's really awesome'

I come from a long line of cool

Joss Whedon's father wrote for the aforementioned 'Golden Girls'  

His Grandfather wrote for 'Your Show of Shows'

If awesome was money from bootleg whiskey, Joss would be a member of the Kennedy family.

Casual Cool

This is the Felicia Day philosophy.  By apparently putting absolutely no effort into seeming cool-  and indeed by appearing to put effort into NOT looking cool, witness The Guild, she somehow makes everything she does look like the coolest thing ever.

Who else has both sung on stage with Jonathan Coulton AND crocheted a freakin mouse with Colin Ferguson.  And yet she's all like 'No big, whatevs' and somehow she makes the term 'Whatevs' cool despite the fact that it clearly isn't.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to disappear for a few hours and suddenly reappear ten times cooler.

Vizsla out

Drunk Texts from Batman

We've all been there, so this is in no way about judging.

However, reports have come to light that it is not just we, the every-dog on the street who are susceptible to sending an ill advised text message after having a couple of drinks*.  According to reliable sources, no less than Batman himself falls into that very trap on a regular basis.

*Seriously, why is there no app to lock texting if it detects that you're drunk?

Thank You, Internet, for making it possible to find a picture of just about anything

Consider the following examples of...

 Drunk Texts From Batman

Names listed as they appear in the BatCel

You can occasionally tell what Batman has been drinking just from the mood of the text.  For example, Tequila clearly makes him mean...

Batman- 

 Hey AL, get here quik, i ned your help burying a prostitute.

....?  - 

ButlerNumeroUno 

Batman-  

HA!!  You totaley fell for that didnt you DUMBASS!  LMBAO!

Shall I take it that you require the services of a taxi to return home this evening sir? - ButlerNumeroUno

Batman-  

You shud have seen ur face!!

You can't see my face, sir.  We're miles away from each other -  

ButlerNumeroUno

Batman-  

Shut up and send me a fukin taco.

I'm on my way -  

ButlerNumeroUno

Whereas you can always tell that he's been drinking bourbon when he becomes inappropriately sentimental...

Batman-  

U kno, u r totally the best.  Serriously.  U're Awesome man

Um... Thanks.  Where are you? -  

Boy, (Wonder)

Batman-  

No, reelly.  I totalley love u man.  Totalley.

Maybe we should be done crimefighting for the night... -  

Boy, (Wonder)

Batman-  

Reely.  Im gunna tell everybody man.  I totalley love U.  I'm gonna tellevrybody.

My nam is Bruce.  And I luv Dick!

Please tell me you're not driving. -  

Boy, (Wonder)

In contrast, a beer-drunk Batman appears to just get a little silly.

Batman-  

knok knock

Who is this? -  

E. Nigma

Batman-  

No, u r supposd to say who's there.  Illtryit agan.  knock knock

 Who gave you this number?-  

E. Nigma

Batman-  

Ur not doin it rite!  Knock knok!!!!

<sigh>  Fine.  Who's there.-

E. Nigma

Batman-  

I'm bateman, bitsh!

 You're Jason Bateman?-  

E. Nigma

Batman-  

Nooo!!!  Batmaan!!  Geez.

 You do realize you just totally gave me your phone number-  

E. Nigma

And Gin... well...

.

Batman-  

Hey baby.  Check THIS out...

Oh My God, is that a picture of your... Oh for Christ sake.  Seriously?????-  

 PrettyKitty

Seriously.  Maybe he should have just stuck with the Batsignal.

Until next time.  Same Bat Time, Same Bat Texts.

-Vizsla Out

I don't care what Siouxsie Says

Welcome, Ireland!

As the keen observers among you will have gathered, We received our first page-view in Ireland overnight.   Which means that this is as good a time as any to apologize again for the Leprechaun post the other day.

Another thing that deserves a mention while we're specifically discussing Ireland - I'm becoming increasingly concerned with the mounting evidence that America is losing it's grips on the specifics of Banshee lore.

For the uninitiated - A Banshee is a female spirit* that appears to someone as a sign that they are about to die.  More specifically, if you hear the Banshee's scream it means you should avoid making any long term plans.  It's like Final Destination without the increasingly disappointing sequels.

*Yes, they are always female, I don't care what the X-Men say.  Although I quite like the character and - hey - why the hell aren't any of the Movie X-Men allowed to be not American?  How can you have a character named Banshee who isn't Irish?  They did the same thing with Colossus in X2, and he's clearly A: the most awesome X-man ever and B: Russian.  It's about standards people.  Get it together, Bryan Singer.

So- just to boil it down - the relevant thing that Banshees do?  They Scream.  That's their focus-area.  Hell, even the inexplicably American Movie X-Man got that detail right, even if he did let the forces of accuracy down slightly by having a penis.

<You can tell that he's Irish because of the long clay pipe.>

<No, that was not a reference to... oh get your minds out of the gutter.  Honestly.>

Which is all a way of me leading up to saying - The Expression is 'Scream(ed) like a Banshee'  e.g. 'Man, when I hit myself in the junk with that sledgehammer I screamed like a banshee.  And now I can't father children.'

Which is why I'm growing increasingly distressed at the sheer number of other activities I've heard described as being Banshee-like.  And not just from one person either.  If that was the case the problem would be easily solved by either explaining to them what banshees actually do, or smothering them with a pillow while they slept. (Depending on mood)  No, I've heard from a depressing variety of people things like 'Man, I slept like a Banshee', or 'Boy, she talked like a banshee' (so painfully close to right) or most disturbingly 'Boy, I am sweating like a banshee in here.'

Really. 

In your mind, the most notable thing that Banshee's do is sweat, is that the case?  If you smell the Banshee's BO, it means your doom is at hand, is that it, Miss Thang of Shalotte?

So let's as a people be clear on this.  The Banshee is not your all-verbs, all the time go to monster. 

They Scream, People.  That's all they do.

Well, that and provide back up for Siouxsie Sioux in the 80s and 90s.

I mean, check out the video for Peek-a-boo

And that's why Mr. Roarke Drank

I was thinking earlier today about Fantasy Island.

For those not in the know or not old enough to remember, Fantasy Island was a show in the late 70s where Ricardo Montelban played Mr. Roarke, who ran (possibly owned?  Must investigate...) the titular island.

(Easy, shriner. It means 'as referenced in the title'.  Although we're going to be coming back to what you were thinking about in just a moment, so hold that thought.)
 
So the upshot was that Mr. Roarke operated this island where he could make anyone's fantasies come ture.  Over the course of which they would of course learn and grow as people, possible learning some valuable life lesson.

(For example,I recall one episode where normal Shy Ken Berry had a fantasy of being more 'cool' and 'with it'.  So Mr. Roarke found that he of course had a double out there on the planet who was much more 'cool' and 'with it', switched their places, and Shy Ken Berry learned that Hip and Swingin' Ken Berry wasn't any better than he was.)

(Take a moment with the fact that you just read the phrase 'Hip and Swingin' Ken Berry...)

So.

Every week there would be two different storylines running concurrently, usually without interacting with one another.  At the start of the show, Mr. Roarke would welcome the two guests off of the airplane (Smiles everyone!  Smiles!), explain to the increasingly downtrodden and humiliated Herve Villichaize what their fantasies were (Mr. Jones wants to reunite with his estranged brother before his hideous painful death, Mr. Johnson wants to experience what life would be like without the undescended testicle,etc.) and then the stories proper would begin.

Smiles Everyone!  Smiles!

This is all well and good as a premise until you take a moment to think about the setup.  Say you put an add out there that you have a magic island that can make any fantasy come true (AND resolve all it's plot threads within the hour... Suck it, Lost)  I can pretty much guarantee you that the 'Want to reunite with my estranged brother' letters are NOT going to be the bulk of what you receive.

Here's how I imagine Mr. Roarke's normal mail day ran-

"Dear Mr. Roarke.  It has always been my fantasy to see my ex-wife have her uterus torn out and fed to her by demonic babies"

<deep sigh.>

"Dear Mr. Roarke,  I would love to be covered in Danish Lesbians...."

<Sound of soul dying>

Dear Mr. R.  You know how ... you know, not all the time... just every once in a while... you know how you might be a little.... curious... about getting it on with a dude but having him not remember anything about it afterwards...?

<Sound of expensive bottle of fantasy scotch being opened>

Dear Mr. Roarke.  I don't know if you know a lot about water sports, but...

<Shotgun blast>

Hip Swingin' Ken Berry's looking pretty good right about now, eh?

MY fantasy is that you all die.  

And that it is me that kills you.  

With rich Corinthian leather.

Nobody tell Markie Post about this...

So, for awhile now I've wanted to talk about Markie Post, because I kind of feel like somebody should.

But after considerable deliberation I am forced to acknowledge that there is nothing whatsoever to say about Markie Post.

I'm not saying that I have nothing to say about her.  I'm saying that there is nothing to be said about her. 

At all.

For those who aren't in the know, Markie Post was an actress on the TV Sitcom Night Court in the 1980s

The three reasonably interesting things to note about Markie Post are-

1:  She was the prosecutor on the show Night Court

2:  She was apparently on The Fall Guy

3: It's almost impossible to find a picture of her in which she is not wearing a bikini

This is the only way the internet will remember me...

And that's it.

Now, in the cast of Night Court alone there are a million more interesting stories.  Harry Anderson, for example is fascinating.  His father was regularly played by John Freakin Astin!  If that name means nothing to you, he was and is in no particular order-

1: The only acceptable Gomez Adams

2:  The father of Samwise Gamgee (aka Sean Astin)

3: The only acceptable alternative if Frank Gorshin was unavailable to play the Riddler on the Batman TV show

And what of John Larroquette?

First of all, I'm pretty sure his last name is French for 'The Rocket', which is all kinds of awesome.  

Secondly, his mother's name was Berthalla Oramous which... just take a moment with that.

Thirdly, and most importantly, if you watch Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, you will discover That Klingon One and Klingon Two are none other than John Larroquette and Christopher Lloyd.  Which means you will spend the whole movie watching Dan from Night Court and Reverend Jim from Taxi trying to Kill William Shatner.  

from left to right - Dan Fielding, Reverend Jim, and Loser who never had a sitcom.

 

 And that's not even getting into Richard Moll (did you realize he's 70 years old now?)  Or Brent Spiner who got his start as a semi-regular on the show.  Or any of the sadly now dead female bailiffs.

I'm sorry Markie Post.

I wish I had more to say.

-Vizsla Out

Well, I guess Gotham is just screwed then.

Over the course of casual conversation last night I was struck by something.

There is a colossal problem with Gotham City's civil defense system.

Specifically, Commissioner Gordon's ability to call Batman for help being entirely reliant on the Batsignal, which as we all know is a giant searchlight with the shape of a bat in it. 

Which is all well and good, assuming that it's always dark out when the Commissioner needs to get a hold of him.  Should the Commissioner urgently need to call Batman at - say - quarter after one in the afternoon he is pretty much hosed.

Which I can only assume regularly leads to variations of the following conversation:

Batman:  (Swooping in from above heroically) I'm here Commissioner, what do you n... oh Good Lord why is everyone dead?

Commissioner Gordon:  The Riddler poisoned the reservoir this afternoon.

Batman:  Why didn't you call me?  I could have prevented this.

Commissioner Gordon: Because all I have is a FREAKIN SEARCHLIGHT!

Batman: Oh.  Um..

Commissioner Gordon: I've been shining it all afternoon.

Batman:  Oh.  Well... You see...  Bats are nocturnal, so..

Commissioner Gordon: They also constantly urinate, I notice your obsession with literalism doesn't extend that far.

Batman:  Hey now, that's...

Commissioner Gordon:  Seriously, you can have a batarang, but not a SMARTPHONE?

Batman:  Yeah, the thing about that...

Commissioner Gordon:  Or even a friggen beeper?  They've only been around for 30 years!

Batman:  Nobody cool carries a beeper anymore.

Commissioner Gordon:  I hate you.

Batman:  Now that's just hurtful.


And that's just irresponsible crimefighting.  That's all I'm saying.

Things were so much easier before we knew that Mel Gibson was a giant asshole.

Sure, it's only natural for a vizsla of a certain age to look back at days gone by and imagine them to be happier and simpler than these difficult times we find ourselves living in. 

But all the same, I feel like this is more than nostalgia.  This has the unmistakeable ring of truth to it.

Things were a lot simpler back before we knew that Mel Gibson was a gigantic asshole.

(Spoiler warning - Apparently it's 'to be demeaned and sexualized 

while performing your duties as a law enforcement officer'.)

Seriously.  Remember when you could just enjoy The Road Warrior, without having to mentally apologize to the entire Jewish People for liking his performance?

Remember when you just spend a happy evening watching the first Lethal Weapon and ignoring his throwaway comment about finding lesbians to be disgusting?  Nowadays I kind of feel the need to pause the movie at that point to send a contribution in to Minnesotans United For All Families - just by way of apologizing for the Netflix Rental.  (Tax deductible, and still a worthwhile cause, kids)

And what about Tina Turner?  Tina couldn't have known, right?  I mean... if Miss Tina had known then surely the line would have been 'Two men enter!  One man leaves!  And then gets my grey futuristic boot up his ass!  That's why we call it...THUNDERDOME!'

And how about all the times we used to be able to enjoy sitting down and watching Man Without a Face?

OK, you're right, I'm just kidding.  No one ever did that.

It's all cool. Take Two

So yesterday afternoon I was thinking about Joseph Gordon-Levitt.


(You have no idea how tempted I am to just leave this blog post at that one sentence...)

For those who don't immediately recognize the name - He first rose to fame as the kid on Third Rock From the Sun, where he made the notable achievement of holding his own with John Lithgow, which is honestly no small feat.

This is him today (well, not TODAY literally, but 'these days')

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, being unexpectedly awesome

Stumbled across this the other day, and I suddenly realized.

Joe G-L is Stealth Cool.

He never really fell off the radar, but without us really noticing he went from being 'That Kid Who was Funnier than French Stewart' (I'm sorry, he was) to being unbelievably cool guy in the above video that you did not bother to click on the link for just casually throwing out a cover of Lithium like that's what we all do in our spare time.  His is an extreme form of what I call 'Neil Patrick Harris syndrome'.  

Which is when it occurred to me how many different manifestations of cool there are.

Neil Patrick Harris Cool

Now, it's no secret that Neil Patrick Harris was, somewhere about 5 years ago, declared Coolest guy on the Planet.  The guy makes magic cool.  The man more or less single-handedly brought back the word 'awesome'.  

He once accepted an award for his role in Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog with the words "I would say that Nathan Fillion is like the most genuine nicest guy to work with, but that would be a lie. Uh, he's a dick. And he pads his junk. Thanks so much!"

This was Doogie Howser

And so he is the living symbol of this type of cool - The 'I was really NOT cool, then you lost track of me and I cam back THE COOLEST EVER'

You know, like how we all wanted our 10 year high school reunions to go down.

Betty White Cool

Betty White has always been pretty cool.  Everybody knows that.  What is less frequently observed is that she is clearly the beneficiary of what I can only describe as an 'Awsomeness-Tontine' (you'll have to google it) with the rest of the cast of the Golden Girls, taking their cool into her own possession as each of them passed.

Well played, Betty.

Perception Filter Cool

I'm talking about the Tom Petty school of cool here.  There has never been a moment when Tom wasn't cool in the last several decades.  But, much like the Silence, when you look away from him it is somehow instantly wiped from your mind until the next time you hear the opening riff to American Girl and think, 'Oh yeah-  He's really awesome'

I come from a long line of cool

Joss Whedon's father wrote for the aforementioned 'Golden Girls'  

His Grandfather wrote for 'Your Show of Shows'

If awesome was money from bootleg whiskey, Joss would be a member of the Kennedy family.

Casual Cool

This is the Felicia Day philosophy.  By apparently putting absolutely no effort into seeming cool-  and indeed by appearing to put effort into NOT looking cool, witness The Guild, she somehow makes everything she does look like the coolest thing ever.

Who else has both sung on stage with Jonathan Coulton AND crocheted a freakin mouse with Colin Ferguson.  And yet she's all like 'No big, whatevs' and somehow she makes the term 'Whatevs' cool despite the fact that it clearly isn't.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to disappear for a few hours and suddenly reappear ten times cooler.

Vizsla out