<The following being an excerpt from the official report submitted by Col. Frank 'Killer' Koepke, 2nd Battalion Commander of the 403rd Infantry Unit - aka the Rudolph Flayers>
December 13th, 2013
Official Report
Operation 'Ass-Cane'
13:45 403rd Dispatched to area of reported 'Celebration of Christmas'. On arrival in outer perimeter heard distinct sound of someone saying 'Merry Christmas' instead of a non-specific holiday greeting. Specialist Hayle dispatched to stab speaker in throat.
14:10 Unit arrived on scene of Fendleson Home. Observed Christmas tree in front window.
14:13 Called for air support.
14:16 Fendleson Home hit with tactical nuclear strike.
Report ends
