So for the last few weeks I've been taking a ridiculous number of pills.*
*Some backstory - NOT enjoyable ones. Turns out I had a bacterial infection in my stomach which needed antibiotics to kill it. Unfortunately, most antibiotics also kill me. Which means they have to give me low level alternative antibiotics in large quantities. So I've ended up having to take 18 pills a day for the last few weeks. Fun side effects - constant nausea, light-headedness, and the tendency to get winded standing up or crossing a room. It's been awesome.
In that there have been many days when the most I'm physically capable of is laying on the couch watching TV and not enjoying a lovely cocktail*, I've pretty much spent the majority of September irritatingly sober, pukey, and watching television**
* It turns out that alcohol magnifies the whole 'nausea' thing by about 5000%. Not a mistake you make more than once.
** Plus side - I finally got around to checking out Bob's Burgers and Archer***.
*** Seriously, how had I missed Archer?
Now, it turns out that if you're watching a lot of TV and are sober (which I do not recommend) you become irritatingly aware of the commercials. And of course, in that meds were the cause of my current state, I became even more aware of the commercials for dodgy medications.
You know the ones - Handsome and/or lovely young commercial actor standing on a windswept beach and unable to poop/sustain an erection. You know, like you do. Finally the name of some new miracle cure for whatever the problem is is referenced at which point the handsome/lovely actor in question begins running through a field of flowers (presumably on their way to pop a squat or hold a trapper keeper awkwardly in front of their bulging trousers. This then leads to some soft lit nature shots while a voiceover lists the many horrible things that the medication will ALSO do to you*
*Why is anal leakage always on this list? Is there any man-made pharmaceutical that does NOT immediately cause anal leakage?
This then segues to some polite-but-firm legally mandated warnings about what not to do while taking the medication*
*And yet for some reason 'Don't wear white pants' never seems to be on this list.
The other night I was watching one of these, and the 'Don't do what Donny Don't Do Does' list began as usual - While using this product, don't drive, don't operate heavy machinery, don't vote in any national elections, etc., etc.. Then in the middle of this list they threw in, 'Don't eat grapefruit.'
Now, is it just me, or is that a curiously specific instruction? Not citrus, specifically grapefruit.
I choose to believe that someone writing copy for that ad had been hanging out with a buddy who sold grapefruit the night before who had completely pissed him off somehow. (Perhaps he ate the last potato skin, who can say with fruit-sellers). Still stewing over the argument, he throws the grapefruit thing into the 'Don't' list with a profound sense of 'THAT'll show him.'
In my mind, that's how the world of advertising works.