An Interview with Imaginary Fairuza Balk

We here at the 42nd Vizsla could not be more thrilled with having scored the opportunity at sitting down with Imaginary Fairuza Balk for a candid talk about her past roles and future career decisions that is in no way marred by the fact that she isn't actually here.

VIZSLA: Hello Imaginary Fairuza Balk.  Thanks so much for agreeing to take some time to sit down with me for a little chat that's taking place entirely in my head today

IMAGINARY FAIRUZA BALK:  Sure.  No problem.  S'up.

V: Well, first of all let me just jump directly to the big issue.  Would you like to rub my belly?

IFB:  I was totally hoping you'd ask. 

V:  That's one of the perks of being a dog in these interviews is that you can totally get away with asking that.

IFB:  You know, that's really true.  When Matt Lauer asked me to it was creepy, but this feels right.

V:  Is it true that when you scratch Lauer's belly in just the right place his leg starts going?

IFB:  I'm actually not legally allowed to talk about it.  Sorry.

V:  AH.  Sorry.  I'll move on.  So, I have to tell you - The Craft is one of my favorite movies.  I watch it every Halloween

IFB:  Thanks.  I'm pretty proud of that one.

V:  I've often thought how that Goth/Victorian dress style really works for you.

IFB:  That's nice of you to say.

V:  If you got into a knife fight with Siouxsie Sioux, who would win?

IFB:  Present day Siouxsie Sioux, or Peepshow era Siouxsie Sioux?

V:  Present day.

IFB:  I would totally smoke her.

V:  And Peepshow Era?

IFB:  Well, I'd still win, but I'd have to fight dirtier.  You'd probably have to go back to Standing-Behind-Johnny-Rotton-While-The-Sex-Pistols-are-Interviewed-on-BBC era Siouxsie Sioux before she stands a serious chance.

V:  It sounds like you've thought about this a lot

IFB:  I'm not actually even here right now.

V:  Right.  So, moving on.  Return to Oz-  What was it like taking over the role of Dorothy Gale for the Wizard of Oz sequel.  Did you get any advice from Judy Garland?

IFB:  Um... I'm pretty sure she was dead at the time.

V:  So.. no then?

IFB:  No.

V:  That's disappointing.

IFB:  Not particularly.

V:  So I understand that your first name is Persian for 'Turquoise"

IFB:  So Wikipedia informs me. 

V:  Is Persian even a language?

IFB:  Not technically, no.  It's actually called Farsi.

V:  So you're saying that something on Wikipedia is inaccurate?

IFB:  Yes.

V:  Shocking.