Monday, June 24, 2013

An Interview with Imaginary Fairuza Balk

We here at the 42nd Vizsla could not be more thrilled with having scored the opportunity at sitting down with Imaginary Fairuza Balk for a candid talk about her past roles and future career decisions that is in no way marred by the fact that she isn't actually here.

VIZSLA: Hello Imaginary Fairuza Balk.  Thanks so much for agreeing to take some time to sit down with me for a little chat that's taking place entirely in my head today

IMAGINARY FAIRUZA BALK:  Sure.  No problem.  S'up.

V: Well, first of all let me just jump directly to the big issue.  Would you like to rub my belly?

IFB:  I was totally hoping you'd ask. 

V:  That's one of the perks of being a dog in these interviews is that you can totally get away with asking that.

IFB:  You know, that's really true.  When Matt Lauer asked me to it was creepy, but this feels right.

V:  Is it true that when you scratch Lauer's belly in just the right place his leg starts going?

IFB:  I'm actually not legally allowed to talk about it.  Sorry.

V:  AH.  Sorry.  I'll move on.  So, I have to tell you - The Craft is one of my favorite movies.  I watch it every Halloween

IFB:  Thanks.  I'm pretty proud of that one.

V:  I've often thought how that Goth/Victorian dress style really works for you.

IFB:  That's nice of you to say.

V:  If you got into a knife fight with Siouxsie Sioux, who would win?

IFB:  Present day Siouxsie Sioux, or Peepshow era Siouxsie Sioux?

V:  Present day.

IFB:  I would totally smoke her.

V:  And Peepshow Era?

IFB:  Well, I'd still win, but I'd have to fight dirtier.  You'd probably have to go back to Standing-Behind-Johnny-Rotton-While-The-Sex-Pistols-are-Interviewed-on-BBC era Siouxsie Sioux before she stands a serious chance.

V:  It sounds like you've thought about this a lot

IFB:  I'm not actually even here right now.

V:  Right.  So, moving on.  Return to Oz-  What was it like taking over the role of Dorothy Gale for the Wizard of Oz sequel.  Did you get any advice from Judy Garland?

IFB:  Um... I'm pretty sure she was dead at the time.

V:  So.. no then?

IFB:  No.

V:  That's disappointing.

IFB:  Not particularly.

V:  So I understand that your first name is Persian for 'Turquoise"

IFB:  So Wikipedia informs me. 

V:  Is Persian even a language?

IFB:  Not technically, no.  It's actually called Farsi.

V:  So you're saying that something on Wikipedia is inaccurate?

IFB:  Yes.

V:  Shocking.