Popular Leprechaun Hobbies

Despite the fact that they clearly do not exist (see previous column) it's worth looking into what the non-existent leprechauns like to spend all of their time doing, when their not spending it existing.

And so, the Vizsla presents - Every girl and boys primer of things Leprechauns do:

(also available as a pie chart, an interpretive dance, and a tea towel)

I need me hobbies!

1: Drink

<Insert cheap shot about the Irish here.> 

Just kidding Ireland.  You know I love you.

2: Torment Darby O'Gill

For those of you who've never spent Thanksgiving morning nursing a hangover and trying to delay having to go eat with relatives - Darby O'Gill and The Little People is a Sean Connery movie from 1959, notable for the fact that it may be the only Disney movie in which getting someone so hammered that they pass out is a key plot point.  Unless I missed something in Mulan.

3:  Defend their breakfast cereal from underage home invaders.

Seriously.  Lucky has been tolerant enough.  After four decades of constant threatened attack and robbery, I would not blame him one bit if he bludgeoned those malicious little underage breakfast enthusiasts with a sheleighleigh.  It's sort of an Irish wooden walking stick.

4: Embark on a blood drenched spree of dismemberment, savagery, and mayhem.  Also possibly go back 2 da hood. 

I need me gold!

5:  Launch Jennifer Aniston's career

Suck it, Courtney Cox and Bruce Springsteen!