If you missed it somehow (thus making Katy Perry cry unicorn tears) the Superbowl was a few weeks ago.
(Yes, I have been away for a while. No, there was no particular reason for it. Except in that way that you let things go for a day or so and then it gets easier and easier to just not think about it and continue being lazy and not going to the gym (for example). Then one day you realize it's been over a month and you reflect on it in a vague 'well, I guess life is all about change, might as well not worry about it and have another mimosa while watching the Agent Carter finale*' Which brings me back around to my original point. The 'time being measured by change' part, not the mimosa part. Although alcohol does feature in the story...)
*Seriously, was Agent Carter not just the best new show you've seen in years? It's particularly galling to think that the reason the network was hesitant to commit to a full run of it probably has more than a little to do with the misguided belief that comic book fans won't watch a project starring a woman**
**You know - the same reason we still haven't gotten a Black Widow solo film.
Where was I... oh yes. Superbowl.
As is widely noted (to the extent that it's almost become irritating when anyone mentions it), most people these days watch the Superbowl just to see the commercials.
It's not hard to see why this is the case. A cause and effect cycle of 'more people watching = higher cost for commercial time = the necessity of making better commercials to make sure yours stand out and thus justify the expense = more people watching to see the better commercials = higher cost for commercial time, etc., etc., To quote Anya Emmanuella Jenkins, It's like evolution, but without the getting better part.
One of the more popular commercials of the last few years was a beer commercial* that featured an adorable puppy repeatedly running away to get back to his (or her) horse friend. Or, as we discussed it here - the black hearted homewrecking puppy who went out of his (or her) way to destroy the lives of everyone around him (or possibly her) for no good reason.
* Commercials during the Superbowl fall into roughly four categories; Truck, Beer, Doritos, and Other.
Well, this year the dark-hearted little bastard got a sequel. Which you can watch here.
Now, the first thing to notice is that there's been a slight downgrade in the music from the earlier commercial. (that one used Passenger, this one a mournful, weepy version of That One Song The Proclaimers Did)
The next thing to notice - there is no sign of the woman. Where did the woman go? Did she go back to her less attractive husband, leaving the dog? Is she tied up in the basement?
Personally, my theory is closely tied to realization #3 - The Puppy Has NOT AGED
Seriously. Years later - still a puppy. Sure, you could say that it's shortly after the first commercial, but that was clearly in the Autumn, and we're in Spring here - so some time has passed.
I think it's clear where all this is pointing.
The Puppy obviously killed the woman and - like so many in vampire lore before him (or her) - resorted to the drinking of human blood in exchange for the promise of eternal youth.
Why, just looking at this commercial alone you can see how lucky an escape it was for the Farmer that his horses stopped the Puppy from bring his Army of Wolves to the farm to murder them all.
TOMORROW - We address the issue currently tearing our communities apart. Christians Against Dinosaurs