Suck it, Cliffnotes

Being a well-read Vizsla (and there is after all a reason that I equal knowledge) I thought I might take a moment and boil down some of the prominent of your human authors their most fundamental essence, thus sparing you the need to actually do all that reading.

You're welcome.

So-  Without further ado- 

 VizslaNotes

Everything you really need to know

Ernest Hemingway 

-Suck it up, ya big baby.

John Steinbeck 

 -People pretty much suck.

Harper Lee

-OK, maybe not everybody sucks

J.K. Rowling

 -There is an important distinction between people that are actually evil and people who are merely unpleasant

J.D. Salinger 

 - Get off my lawn or I will shoot you in the face

Mary Shelley

 -It's important to bear in mind the decaying effect of hubris on pure science and approach the search for knowledge as a pure state rather than as a way to glorify yourself through discover.  Also compassion should be the true measure of humanity for without the soul the body is but a vessel for destruction.  Plus if you make a bet you should man up and actually finish your stupid submission for the contest I'm looking at you Lord look-at-me-I'm-way-too-busy-wearing-blousey-shirts-Byron

William Golding

 -Holy CRAP, do people suck.

Gene Stratton-Porter

-Please stop f*cking up the planet.  Also, my eyes are up here buddy.

J.R.R. Tolkien

   -Linguistics f***ing rocks.  Also, Hang in there kitten, Friday's coming.   

C.S. Lewis

-You know, I did write other things...

William Shakespeare (Possibly Francis Bacon)

People are really their own worst enemies.  This is either sad or funny, depending on the situation.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

-Math isn't real. (seriously.  This is the entirety of what I got out of Tractatus Philisophicus)

You're welcome, planet. You may now resume playing Xbox Kinect