Sunday, June 30, 2013

Vizsla Flashback: Satin, I cast thee out!

First Printed March 30th, 2013

I reprint it today because it makes a nice pair with yesterday's column and because it kind of fits with the weekend.

Satin, I cast thee out!

Now, I don't like to draw a lot of hardcore immutable lines in the sand, but I do know one thing.  If at any point during your argument you feel the need to declare that the opposing viewpoint is, and I'm quoting from online discussion boards here, 'The work of Satin', then I'm afraid you have nothing valid to add to the argument.

Or, for that matter, the gene pool.  And yet who get's neutered?   Not that I hold a grudge.

I'm of course not going to deny that satin is, undoubtedly the most sinfully shiny and drape-able of fabrics.  I'm sure it's led many a young prom night couple into shady dealings.

But I'm also reasonably sure that it carries very little voice in the sphere of national politics.

What I'm trying to say is:  If you're looking for fabrics that have something to answer for you clearly need to start with velour.  I mean, honestly, what's more destructive to society - letting same sex couples marry, or a fabric that you can't wash, unravels at the merest suggestion that you might be interested in packing it in a suitcase, and yet STILL cannot manage to breathe properly.

And why is Satin getting all the blame-slash-credit for upsetting the bible belt while Lame (must learn how to put french accent-ague on keyboard, but you know the shiny bolt of lustful temptation to which I refer) gets off scott free?  Sure, there are some tradeoffs.  As a wise man once said, the evil ones cant get away with Lame.  It gets camp.  But does that excuse it for taking no blame whatsoever while poor satin plays the patsy?

And what of corduroy?  Who amongst us has not felt the frictional shame of cord-crotch?  Well, not me of course in that I have never worn pants, but I still feel your pain- And I'm talking to you, Mr. 12-year-old-in-1978-at-the-middle-school-winter-dance.  But take heart- Empire Strikes Back comes out in three years, it'll make all the pain go away.

So I say, 'Go, Satin, go!'  Embrace your immutable 'you'-ness.  Because where the hardcore evangelicals see shiny and sinful, I see shimmery fabulousness.

Praise Satin!  And all it's prom related works!

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