Stanley: The World's Cuddliest ATM

This is Stanley

Stanley is a 2 year old Lab/German Shepherd mix who weighs just over 100 lbs. And as you can see in the photo, also doesn't appear to have bones of any kind.

One of Stanley's favorite things in the entire universe is eating paper. Any kind of paper. Most of the time this is relatively harmless.*

*Except when he tries to eat paper towels, which can really clog up a dogs digestive tract and cause serious medical issues.  Important safety tip, pet owners.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where certain specific pieces of paper have some value attached to them. We call these pieces of paper 'money'.*

*Stanley calls them 'delicious'.

This was inadvertently discovered a few weeks ago when Stanley's Mom and her gentleman friend* decided to order in Chinese food for dinner and left a twenty and a five sitting on the counter in anticipation of paying for said food upon its arrival.

*Someone really needs to start a band called 'Stanley's Mom and Her Gentleman Friend', because I would totally go see a band called that.  I would probably even buy a t-shirt.

When the food arrived the Twenty five dollars had mysteriously disappeared and there was a guilty looking Labherd with Andrew Jackson on his breath.

Now, without being too indelicate about it, this was something of a temporary problem since - as they say in times of trouble - this too shall pass. And indeed, a week or so later while picking up the poop in Stanley's back yard, cash did indeed present itself.  There's a photo below, but it's really not for the faint of heart.

Being a practical sort, Stanley's mom took the cash laden turd in question to the basement sink and washed it down to see whether or not the bills were still viable. She was somewhat surprised however when it turned out that the turd did not, in actual fact, contain a twenty and a five.

It contained three twenties.

Now, we're left with several different possible explanations as to how this occurred;

1: Stanley's colon is magic.

Feed him cold hard cash and somehow his magical digestive system nearly triples your investment. Now, it's difficult to say whether or not this is really what's happening, but it's probably worth throwing him a five spot just on the off chance.

2: Stanley is roaming the streets at night mugging people and hiding the cash in the only manner available to him

He doesn't have pockets, after all.

3: Stanley is some sort of mule for a Mexican drug cartel.

While he would totally be capable of pulling this off, I have to believe that Stanley is too good a citizen to be involved in this sort of thing.   

Without further testing it's impossible to say which - if any - of these is the real answer. All we can say for certain is that Stanley is currently literally pooping money - thus achieving the dream of pretty much every single person on wall street.

Well played, Labherd.  Well played.


Photo evidence of the cash retrieval process below.  You've been warned

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