Thursday, August 27, 2015


For those too young to remember, back in the 1980s there was a videogame called...

Wait, hold that thought.  Let's clarify.

Back in the 1980s, videogames were something that you had to actually leave your house to play.

I know.  Take a minute with that. It's a bit of a culture shock.  Breathe through it.  Better?  OK.

So.  In the day, videogames all lived in a store space in the local mall called an 'Arcade'. These videogames were large stand up contraptions roughly the size and shape of a telephone booth...


OK, roughly the size and shape of one of those streetside things you can buy newspapers out o...

Oh for crap sake.

Um... Photo booths?  Do we still have photo booths? No? What about voting booths...?  We still do that, right...?

OK.  They were about the size and shape of a voting booth*

*People of Florida, you're just going to have to google it.

Anyway, an arcade was a darkish room full of neon signs and these large stand up videogame machines that you had to put quarters into to play.  They were about six hundred times larger than a video game station you might see today, only played one game each, and almost never involved scoring points for raping prostitutes. Also there was Skeeball.  Which was awesome.

One game that we particularly awesome was called Dig-Dug. In it you were a pudgy little guy relentlessly digging himself further and further down while trying to avoid attention from the other people around you.  If one came to close you had a special tube you stuck in them and pumped until they exploded.

Which brings me of course to Josh Duggar

To establish my cred on this issue up front, I was WAY ahead of the curve on the whole 'Hating the Duggars' thing.  I've despised them from back when their show was called Two Kids and We're Planning on Having a Couple Baseball Teams' Worth More Because We're Too Stupid to Understand Birth Control. They represent everything wrong in modern culture with their smug hypocritical stupidity, simple expecting to be handed everything they could ever want simply by shouting louder and louder how Jesus only loves people like them because apparently the fundamentalist bunch just eats that shit up. They contribute absolutely nothing to the world except bigotry, hypocrisy and a steady workforce for Matt Staver's secret camp for manufacturing knock off wallets for export

Whew.  As I said.  I despise the Duggars and everything they stand for.

So, Josh Duggar then.  Assuming that you live in a yurt, let me bring you up to speed.  After spending many, many years on TV telling us all how Jesus hand carved their family out of the purest ivory and they are always perfect, it came to light that they had to add the caveat 'Except that time we totally let our oldest son repeatedly molest four of his younger sisters without ever facing any consequences'

According to their press release, they found out about it, told Jesus about it, and Jesus looked back at them and said, 'Aw, you guys.  I could never stay mad at you. We're totally good.  You tell him I said go ahead and molest away.'

Now this story has more or less faded by this point, except for one unfortunate thing. The Ashley Madison website (That's the one that exists solely to provide people a forum to cheat on their spouses) got hacked, and it turned out that our boy Josh had a couple of accounts with them. Now, there's no actual evidence that he hooked up with anybody, but he did prepay for the 'Guaranteed Affair within three months package'* and did not request a refund

*A real thing btw

 So, that's Women and Children crossed off of Josh's 'Things I'd like to have sex with' list. At this point I'm enthusiastically looking forward to the almost inevitable announcement that he's been caught having anonymous gay sex in a public restroom. Not because I enjoy watching bad things happen to the Duggars (although I certainly do!) but because he's this close to pulling off the hat trick and it would be a shame if he didn't make it.

It's the same reason we rooted for American Pharoah at Belmont.

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