Friday, December 12, 2014


A little while ago our little town was embroiled in a frankly ridiculous bit of scandal that actually made it so far as getting a segment on The Daily Show.

I speak of course... of #pointergate

The quick backstory (as that scandal itself isn't really what I'm here to talk about today)-

Once upon a time
There was a good and beautiful (probably) new Mayor of The City

For reasons that aren't particularly important here
she ran afoul of Mean Mr. Police Union Steward*

One day, while the Mayor was skipping through a meadow
looking for photo ops at get out the vote events 
prior to the midterm elections
She came across Mr. African-American-Vote-Turnout-Volunteer
(Who admittedly has a bit of a checkered past, 
but seems to be trying to turn his life around)

This was the photo op our good and beautiful 
(probably) mayor was looking for!
And so they had their picture taken, 
pointing at each other in that cheesy 
'Hey, we're having a picture taken together!' way

Mean Mr. Police Steward saw this 
and knew that this was his opportunity
So he used his magic mirror and called his best friend
Mr. Local News Station So Pathetically Stupid 
That It Defies Belief
and said to him, 'Look!'
Our new Mayor makes the dreaded 'Gang Sign' 
to a man clearly guilty of being outdoors while not white. 

"Spread the news of the vile 'Gang Sign' so that all can see
that New Mayor supports Gangs 
and not The Good and Beautiful (occasionally) Mr. Police Department

And so Mr. Local News Station spread the word far and wide, 
showing all the dreaded 'Gang Sign'
And all who saw the photo looked at it for a moment an said,
"Um... they're just pointing at each other.
I have pictures of me doing that with my grandmother..." 

And Mr. News Station took to the air and said,
"Nu-uh.  Totes Gang Sign.
Plus, we never said it was 'gang sign', 
we only said Mr. Police Department said that 
and besides it's totes not racist 
because we're just reporting and look - 
totes Gang Sign!"

The Mr. News Station took to the air and said that 8 more times, 
because Mr. News Station is a Fucking Idiot. 

And the whole thing became known as 'Pointergate' because we as a society are also kind of stupid and think that just adding the suffix 'Gate' on the end of anything makes it mean 'scandal'

It doesn't.

'Watergate' was called 'Watergate' because that's the name of the Freaking Hotel, not because it was a scandal about 'Water' in some way.  If you give a quick glance to the wikipedia page dedicated to the subject it's readily apparent how completely out of control the whole thing has gotten.** 

Come up with your own name for new scandals people.  It's about standards

*Now, normally I am 100% pro-Cop.  Make no mistake about that.  But in this circumstance it seems pretty clear that the Union Steward was attempting to use a deliberately misleading smear campaign for political points and that is not OK.  Cops are held to higher standard because they are supposed to be better than that.

**And don't even get me started on the little sub-human trash perpetuating Gamergate.  Mostly because I'm afraid of what they might do to my online information.  There is, thankfully, very little they could do to my Credit Score that I haven't already done myself.  Which in this case I'm going to call a win.

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