(First Published elsewhere in August of 2010)
Now, I don't like to draw a lot of hardcore immutable lines in the sand,
but I do know one thing. If at any point during your argument you feel
the need to declare that the opposing viewpoint is, and I'm quoting
forum online discussion boards here, 'The work of Satin', then I'm
afraid you have nothing valid to add to the argument.
Or, for that matter, the gene pool. And yet who get's neutered? Not that I hold a grudge.
I'm of course not going to deny that satin is, undoubtedly the most
sinfully shiny and drape-able of fabrics. I'm sure it's led many a young
prom night couple into shady dealings.
But I'm also reasonably sure that it carries very little voice in the sphere of national politics.
What I'm trying to say is: If you're looking for fabrics that have
something to answer for you clearly need to start with velour. I mean,
honestly, what's more destructive to society - letting same sex couples
marry, or a fabric that you can't wash, unravels at the merest
suggestion that you might be interested in packing it in a suitcase, and
yet STILL cannot manage to breathe properly.
And why is Satin getting all the blame-slash-credit for upsetting the
bible belt while Lame (must learn how to put french accent-ague on
keyboard, but you know the shiny bolt of lustful temptation to which I
refer) gets off scott free? Sure, there are some tradeoffs. As a wise
man once said, the evil ones cant get away with Lame. It gets camp.
But does that excuse it for taking no blame whatsoever while poor satin
plays the patsy?
And what of corduroy? Who amongst us has not felt the frictional shame
of cord-crotch? Well, not me of course in that I have never worn pants,
but I still feel your pain- And I'm talking to you, Mr.
12-year-old-in-1978-at-the-middle-school-winter-dance. But take heart-
Empire Strikes Back comes out in three years, it'll make all the pain go away.
So I say, 'Go, Satin, go!' Embrace your immutable 'you'-ness. Because
where the hardcore evangelicals see shiny and sinful, I see shimmery
Praise Satin! And all it's prom related works!