So a few days ago I pondered the question of whether or not I might be a terrible person, based on the amount of enjoyment I was getting through depriving someone else of a parking spot.
Any question about the issue has been comprehensively cleared up, via the case of Mr. Bigglesworth.
Our story begins at work yesterday. I was talking with a coworker about one thing or another and the topic of dogs (perhaps unsurprisingly) came up. She related how when she was young her family had a dog (the aforementioned 'Mr. Bigglesworth'*.) Mr. B was a Beagle. And apparently was prone to finding ways to slip off of his leash and run after things, as many dogs like to do.
*Someone please add 'The Aforementioned Mr. Bigglesworth' to the list of awesome band names. Thank you.
The crux of the story was that, after several years of dealing with chasing an enthusiastic beagle through traffic, her parents had decided that they couldn't deal with Mr. B. anymore. 'So,' she said to me, 'they found a farm that he could go to where he had lots of space to run and a nice family with kids.'
Without taking a moment to consider the consequences, I responded, 'Your parents told you that your dog had gone to live on a farm....?'
She said, 'Yes. I.... Oh MY GOD. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!'
'We never saw Mr. Bigglesworth again! Holy Crap!'
At this point I tried to think of a nice conversational backpedal, but was too late, as she was already calling her father.
A few voicemails, and at least one text message later she still had not heard back from him.
'I'm starting to be a little concerned about the level of detail,' she said, 'He told us that there were kids for Mr. Bigglesworth to play with,'
'Possible...' I thought... 'Maybe...'
'And that there was even another beagle there to be his girlfriend.'
At this point I had to concur that things were, indeed, not looking awesome for Mr. Bigglesworth...
Eventually she got a hold of her father, who swore that Mr. B. had in fact really gone to live on a farm, but I don't know that she completely believed him. The damage was done.
I'm a monster.