Monday, November 10, 2014

A Rebuttal From (Allegedly 'Runaround') Sue

In the interest of providing a public forum for all sides of the issue, we here at The 42nd Vizsla present, in their entirety, the long suppressed rebuttal letter from Susan McAnthrop of Mt. Vine, Indiana.  You may know her better by the undesired nickname 'Runaround Sue'

Dear Dion,

First of all, it's Susan.  Not Sue.  Susan.  Which you well know, you Jackass.  I can only assume that your insistence on using the diminutive is merely due to your childish need to attempt to disempower me while simultaneously covering up for the fact that you're too stupid to come up with any significant number of rhymes for the word 'Susan'.  Hell, you could barely manage to find some for 'Sue'

Look Dion.  We went out ONCE.  For COFFEE.  To be honest, I only agreed to go because you asked me so damn many times that I figured it would be easier to just go once and be done with your pathetic ass. 

But no, you instead turned the whole thing into a lurid and libelous attack on my character in a jaunty 4/4 beat.  

I actually tried to take the high ground on this Dion, I really did.  But there's only so many cover band renditions of a personal attack on ones character that one can listen to before one is compelled to set the record straight.  I mean, honestly Dion, you enormous Butthole- Do you know how many cover bands perform your hatchet job of a song?  ALL OF THEM.

So, Let's take it verse by verse, shall we.

Here's my story, sad but true
It's about a girl that I once knew
She took my love then ran around
With every single guy in town
Ah, I should have known it from the very start
This girl will leave me with a broken heart
Now listen people what I'm telling you
A-keep away from-a Runaround Sue.

Sad but true my ASS.  Again - COFFEE.  ONCE.  That is in no way taking your love.  Hell, I didn't even want to take your coffee.  Let alone the four thousand follow up phone calls begging me to go to dinner afterwards.  For the love of CRAP, Dion - Take a F*cking hint.

And - 'Every Single Guy in town'?  SERIOUSLY?  I went to a malt shop ONCE with Bobby Johanson, so don't give me that 'every guy in town' bullshit.  I mean, Jesus Christ, I know full well that you pressured Julie Ann McKenzie into giving you a Pity Handjob behind Ed's last homecoming, but did I feel compelled to write a peppy rock-anthem about it?  No.  No I freaking well did not.  It's called class, asshole.

I miss her lips and the smile on her face
The touch of her hair and this girl's warm embrace
So if you don't wanna cry like I do
A-keep away from-a Runaround Sue

OK, let's make this perfectly clear for everybody.  YOU NEVER GOT NEAR ANY OF THAT, DION.  NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Hell, I don't think I even smiled in that coffee shop, you were such miserable, shitbag company. 

Here's the moral and the story from the guy who knows
I fell in love and my love still grows
Ask any fool that she ever knew, they'll say
Keep away from-a Runaround Sue

Seriously, Dion?  F*CKING SERIOUSLY??  You basically write a pop hit calling me a whore and end it by saying how you still totes love me more and more???

Get help Dion.

Get Freaking HELP.

In the meantime, feel free to keep an eye out on the pop charts for me new dance club hit - 'Dion has chronic problems maintaining an erection'.

Susan Out.

We thank you for your attention and hope that this has furthered the cause of providing a more even handed picture of events.

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