Seriously? 'Unicorning' is a thing now?

So, today is Helpful Friend Becky's Birthday (she who helped to arrange the Catwoman Brackets - I don't think she can be considered legally culpable for what followed though...)

In the spirit of things I went to send her a picture of terrifying Unicorns, because that's kind of our thing ever since this post on the same topic.  (Caution - Spoiler Alert for Cabin in the Woods there.)

And so, being a thoroughly Modern Vizsla, I began by doing a websearch of the words 'Terrifying Unicorn'

This is what those words found...

That's right.

I cannot even bring myself to show it to you.

And I made you all look at the Bronies picture, so just take a moment with that.

What I saw...

<Shudder>

What I...

<Shudder>

OK.  Hold on... give me a second here.

It... it was...

<Steeling of Vizsla will...>

It was a person on a stage.  Not sure if it was a man or a woman.

Wearing a tan body stocking

<please... please God let that have been a tan body stocking.. please...  So cold... so cold...>

Supporting themselves in the upward position with crutches.

Wearing the head of a unicorn over their own head

With a sparkly horn.

<so cold.>

I actually had to look at this for several minuted because my brain simply refused to process the set of elements.  I literally could not interpret what I was seeing. 

Now...  I have nothing but respect for people on crutches.  Short term or long term, that ain't easy and they deserve all our respect.

I can even find it in myself to be spiritually all right with flesh-tone body stockings.  If I just squint at it sideways and don't picture anyone I actually know in them.

<Oh Shit, too late... I'm sorry, one of you.  Nothing will ever persuade me to say which of you it was, but I'm sorry.  So, So sorry.>

The wearing a unicorn head thing... I can even find a live-and-let-live place inside myself for that

<Seriously.  I am SO, so sorry...>

Why on Earth would you combine those elements in a performance space?

And then have photos of same easily searchable under the key words 'Terrifying Unicorn'?


I had to show Helpful Friend Becky the picture, since it was sort of her fault that I had to see it and she informed me that there is apparently a 'thing' about wearing Unicorn Heads.  It's called 'unicorning'. 

That's what you do.

You wear a Unicorn Head.

I tried to take the thought further as to what you might do from that point, but then my brain shut down again.

I guess what I'm saying is - When you do a random web search, it's not about judging - but it IS about time to have a sizeable glass of tequila and sit in a cool dark place.

Vizsla out

Vizlsa Flashback - Unicorns, Adorable or Terrifying

A brief note of apology.  The Vizsla found himself without computer access for the holiday weekend.

To make it up, here is the Sunday reprint of a personal favorite -

Unicorns: Adorable or TERRIFYING

Just letting you know right up front: If you haven't seen the movie Cabin in the Woods, I'm going to totally ruin it for you about halfway through this entry.

You've been duly notified.

So.

Unicorns

OR

First some fun facts about Unicorns that you might not know. 

1:  Wikipedia was unable to tell me why they are called Unicorns and not Unihorns in the amount of time that it took me to lose interest in finding out the answer.

(to be fair, I have to assume some of the blame on this one)

2:  They bleed glitter.

(Totally true.  All the glitter in the world is the result of one 

enterprising 13th century woodsman with a shiv.)

3:  There is apparently a black market for their kidneys

(You'll have to google it)

So round about the 14th or 15th time of Watching Cabin in the Woods 

(LAST CHANCE TO TURN AWAY) 

I found myself thinking 

(NO, REALLY.LAST CHANCE TO TURN AWAY, 

I'M ABOUT TO TOTALLY SPOIL THE MOVIE)

It totally makes sense that one of the possible options that the trapped college co-eds are presented with when forced to choose the form of their killer out of all those creepy totem objects in the basement in order to appease the ancient gods under the coordination of Bradley Whitfield and the Dad from 6 feet under is a Unicorn.

(Well, you wouldn't be told.)

In the last act of the film, when all of the possible killing monsters are rampaging through the underground base, and out of nowhere there's a unicorn, and the employee guy is like 'Awwww.... a unicorn', and the unicorn is like 'Fuck you buddy, I'm a Unicorn!' and then gores the crap out of him...

(You should still totally watch the movie if only to see this moment)

I can't help but watch that and think... how are unicorns not ALWAYS terrifying???

(And honestly, there's some good stuff I haven't spoiled here)

It's a freakin' UNBROKEN HORSE WITH A HORN!

(Like when Bradley Whitfield gets killed by the Merman)

At what point did we decide as a people that a wild animal than can gore you with little to no effort WASN'T terrifying?

(Crap.  Forget I said that about the merman...)

So, thank you, Cabin in the Woods.  Not just for being awesome, but also for restoring unicorns to their rightful place in our culture-  As objects of terror.  

(And I would totally go to the movie 

where the Unicorn kills a bunch of coeds in a cabin.)

Vizsla Out.

Unicorns: Adorable or TERRIFYING

Just letting you know right up front: If you haven't seen the movie Cabin in the Woods, I'm going to totally ruin it for you about halfway through this entry.

You've been duly notified.

So.

Unicorns

OR

First some fun facts about Unicorns that you might not know. 

1:  Wikipedia was unable to tell me why they are called Unicorns and not Unihorns in the amount of time that it took me to lose interest in finding out the answer.

(to be fair, I have to assume some of the blame on this one)

2:  They bleed glitter.

(Totally true.  All the glitter in the world is the result of one 

enterprising 13th century woodsman with a shiv.)

3:  There is apparently a black market for their kidneys

(You'll have to google it)

So round about the 14th or 15th time of Watching Cabin in the Woods 

(LAST CHANCE TO TURN AWAY) 

I found myself thinking 

(NO, REALLY.LAST CHANCE TO TURN AWAY, 

I'M ABOUT TO TOTALLY SPOIL THE MOVIE)

It totally makes sense that one of the possible options that the trapped college co-eds are presented with when forced to choose the form of their killer out of all those creepy totem objects in the basement in order to appease the ancient gods under the coordination of Bradley Whitfield and the Dad from 6 feet under is a Unicorn.

(Well, you wouldn't be told.)

In the last act of the film, when all of the possible killing monsters are rampaging through the underground base, and out of nowhere there's a unicorn, and the employee guy is like 'Awwww.... a unicorn', and the unicorn is like 'Fuck you buddy, I'm a Unicorn!' and then gores the crap out of him...

(You should still totally watch the movie if only to see this moment)

I can't help but watch that and think... how are unicorns not ALWAYS terrifying???

(And honestly, there's some good stuff I haven't spoiled here)

It's a freakin' UNBROKEN HORSE WITH A HORN!

(Like when Bradley Whitfield gets killed by the Merman)

At what point did we decide as a people that a wild animal than can gore you with little to no effort WASN'T terrifying?

(Crap.  Forget I said that about the merman...)

So, thank you, Cabin in the Woods.  Not just for being awesome, but also for restoring unicorns to their rightful place in our culture-  As objects of terror.  

(And I would totally go to the movie 

where the Unicorn kills a bunch of coeds in a cabin.)

Vizsla Out.