*Not even a Flashback - and come on, that's just lazy. They're like no effort whatsoever.
While I don't entirely have an excuse for that, I can tell you that while it may be true that I haven't posted a column for 9 odd days, I have actually made several attempts to write them.
Unfortunately, they all crashed and burned like mere tiny zygote's of column ideas, withering before they could achieve viability, and that's as far as I'm going to take that particular metaphor because it's already starting to feel creepy.
So, for the sake of the public record, here is a summation of...
The Columns That Almost Were
- Ways To Describe Your Sack
A few days ago I became marginally interested in finding out what the difference was between a Rucksack, a Napsack, and a Backback. Long story short - not much. Straps, carries stuff, hiking. The only marginally interesting thing about it was that a Napsack and a Rucksack both specified waterproof material whereas a backpack doesn't care if your shit gets wet.
It's a shame, because I'd already thought of the above title and it seemed like a shame not to use it.
- Some reasons why I hate Matt Walsh
The douchebag online smug-factory, not the Improv Performer in the Washington DC area.
But honestly, this one pretty much explains itself. Still fun to imagine throat punching him though.
It's also worth noting that thinking about this topic caused me to miss my off-ramp and get lost in some backroads on my way to work the other morning, so I sort of feel like Mr. Walsh won this one. The prick.
- A recreation of the Lincoln-Douglas debate as reenacted by a Teacup Pig and a Slow Loris
I love the idea, and the visuals are freakin' awesome. But then it feels like there might be a lot of research involved, so let's all just take a moment to picture the scene in our heads and move on.
Aw look... Lincoln is peeling a grape with his adorable little hands...
-A defense of why I refuse to stop using two spaces after a period no matter what the Millenials' style guides say I should do.
But after thinking about it with great indignation for some time I started kind of agreeing with them and now I might actually stop using more than one space if only to make editing my Whatculture articles a bit quicker, so now I have officially betrayed my own convictions before actually bothering to write a manifesto about them.
Which isn't so bad really I suppose, and one could only wish that Mr. Walsh had the courtesy to do the same thing on occasion. Particularly as regards his particularly rank discussion of suicide...