Share If...

Gentle reader, there's no nice way to put this...

Facebook has of late gotten way too pushy.

You can hardly manage to log on these days without having to wade through a tirade of posts that are being reposted by otherwise sensible people  simply because the post in question instructed them clearly that they were required to do so.  They serve no purpose other than to replicate themselves ad infinitum until it's impossible to see your clever friend's hysterical blog posting which is in no way oppressive and did you know that by clicking on the ads you can totally help to financially support them?

Where was I...

Right..   Commands to share statuses.  Here are some of the prime offenders-

SHARE IS YOU LOVE YOUR FATHER

Um...  wouldn't it be more task oriented to just tell him?

SHARE IF YOU HAVE A SISTER YOU LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART!

Does she not have a phone?

SHARE IF YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER/SON WHO YOU LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING THE THE WHOLE WORLD!

They're in the back seat of the car right now, even as you're reposting that on Facebook while driving in rush hour traffic.   You might as well turn around and tell them to their face, and you should follow it up with '...and I'm so sorry...'

<RANDOM BULLSHIT TEABAGGER CLAIM> - 86% OF PEOPLE WHO AGREE WILL REPOST THIS! 

I'd like to see your data sample on this one.  Although, to be fair, the 86% claim is usually no less accurate than anything else the Tea Party posts.

REPOST IF YOU STAND WITH <INSERT MORON PSEUDO-CELEBRITY WHO HAS RECENTLY MADE SOME SORT OF PUBLIC BIGOTED STATEMENT.  LET'S SAY 'PHIL'>.

The main point of reposting this one is the verify that you don't actually understand what the 1st amendment says.

SHARE IF YOU'RE AGAINST THE ATROCITIES IN DARFUR!

I can guarantee that there is not a guy over there monitoring what's trending on Facebook and saying 'OK, we can just get in one more female circumcision before they hit 4 Million 'likes'.  Then we're totally done.'  If you're actually concerned about any of the many, many horrifying things that are currently being done somewhere on the planet then there are several things that you can do to actually help address the problem.  Clicking 'share' is not on that list.

Remember - If you don't 'share' this it means you hate dogs, babies, and Jesus.