Friday, June 20, 2014

There's So Many Different Ways to Say 'Ghhhahhaaaaqaggghhah!'

I've had a particular subset of cold that was specifically bred in the darkest corner of Hell specifically to bring us down as a species for the last week and a bit.

It was then, while I was at my weakest, that the Internet knew it was time to strike.

Within a 15 minute timespan, I was hit with the following one two punch of stomach turning horror-


The Story of a lovely Indiana couple that happen to be Grandmother and Grandson having no end of wild sexy time together.

Go on, try to read to the end of the article.  It took me three attempts to get past 'That night, giggly from wine, she made her move...' or whatever the actual sentence is.  Ggghhhaggggggggg.


The charming viral go-pro video footage of a man beating off a shark in Sydney Harbor.

Um... fighting off a shark.  Let's all pretend I said Fighting off a shark.

This one exists entirely to make the rest of us say to ourselves - 'Why do I not live in a place where I can jump off of my balcony into the ocean?'  and then immediately answer ourselves with 'Oh, that's why.'

Now, while both of these offerings bring you the exciting possibility of never feeling good about the world again, the interesting thing about them is the comparison they offer.  On the one hand we have the possibility of feeling personally safe and yet never being able to leave the Silkwood shower again, because Not Clean... Still Not Clean...  On the other we have the option of not feeling spritiually dirty, but HOLY SHIT SHARK!!

It really comes down to a question of whether you would rather never feel clean again or never feel safe again, which I for one think is an interesting question to ask oneself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to shower.  A lot.  I would take a bath, but... you know...  Sharks.

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