Monday, July 22, 2013

Some of your less successful pickup lines

I was musing earlier (because Vizslas love a good muse.  Especially Calliope.*) about Chris Hadfield.

*Incredibly geeky joke which I am going to decline to explain.

Chris Hadfield, for those who don't immediately recognize the name, is this guy-

He's a Canadian astronaut who was the Commander of a mission to the International Space Station who not only spent some quality time performing science experiments suggested by kids for them to watch, but also took a moment to record a cover of Space Oddity before he left the ISS to return to Earth.

Which pretty much means that until some Firefighter figures out a way to record Fire in Cairo by the Cure while rescuing an infant from a burning airplane, he pretty much owns us all.

I mean, let's be honest.  'Why Yes, I am the astronaut that recorded a Bowie cover on the International Space Station' is pretty hard to beat as a pickup line.*

*Yes, I am aware that he's married.  My point still stands

You know who Chris Hadfield is having sex with right now?  Anyone he wants to, that's who.

But on the other end of the spectrum, there are some pickup lines that even Chris couldn't pull off.

Here are a few-

"Hey, did you just come from Glamor Shots?"

-Glamor shots, for those fortunate enough not to know, is a company that- for a modest fee - will plaster you with enough makeup to allow you to successfully sell yourself on the streets of Phuket and take some terribly dramatically lit headshots.  Their big selling point at one point was 'Have your picture taken by a professional photographer!' which really just means that they're paying the guy (or gal) who's pressing the 'Take Picture' button.  (Which I suppose is at least comforting for the photographer.) 

"You must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that"

-I honestly have no idea what that even means.  I do suspect that commenting on someone's jiggling parts is probably unlikely to get you anywhere.

"You'll do."

-This one will probably get you maced

"You must be tired, because I've been watching you on your treadmill through binoculars for the last half hour"

-If you can pull this one off you totally take the kingship over from Chris.  It's more likely to get you tased however.

1 comment:

  1. pretty sure the 42nd V should prefer Terpsichore. Just sayin'.