Monday, July 15, 2013

The Catwoman Brackets

Inexplicably not pictured - Julie Newmar
No, that's Lee Meriwether.
Yes, I'm sure.

First off I want to spend just a moment enjoying the fact that the title of today's entry could equally well be the title of an episode of the Big Bang Theory.  Which means that you should probably stop and hum something by the Barenaked Ladies at this stage.

All done?

Fine, then I'll proceed.

Over the weekend it occurred to me that Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman is just hands down more interesting to me than Anne Hathaway's Catwoman.  This of course leads me to a brief discussion of softball.

In an effort to finally answer the question - Who is the best Catwoman, we clearly have no choice but to follow your standard Softball Tournament double elimination playoff structure.

I will of course pause at this time for you to go tap the keg.

Back again?

Good.  Ok - Here's how it goes - In the first bracket each Catwoman will be randomly paired with another Catwoman to determine which was the better Catwoman. 

The losing Catwoman will go into the losers bracket where she will wait to be paired against other Catwomen that lose in the first bracket.  The winner of the Winner Catwomen Bracket will then be paired off against the winner of the Loser Catwomen Bracket in order to determine who is Catwoman Triumphant.

How's that sound, other than insane.  With me?

Fun fact before we begin - Catwoman, created in 1940 to be a foil/antithesis for Batman, was retired in 1954 when the Comics Code Authority was being adopted on grounds that she was a bit too kinky - what with the whip and the catsuit. (Be fair - it was probably the whip that did it.)  AFter we stopped caring about the CCA she was brought back, and as if to make up for lost time DC comics upped the ante on the kink factor - She's not just a cat-burglar... she's a retired dominatrix!  And before you ask, no, I do not know if there's a pension with that.)

(sequence of Catwomen determined randomly by my lovely assistant Becky, who only looked at me for the briefest of moments to see if I'd completely lost it at last.)

Ok - Round 1

 Catwoman #4 the lovely Michelle Pfeiffer 


Catwoman #3 the lovely if somewhat intimidating Eartha Kitt

This is actually a difficult call for me, as both of them do well in the vital 'embodying the kink factor' category that Got Ms. Kyle shelved in 1954.  AT the end of the day however, However wonderful Eartha's purr was (and it WAS), Michelle has the whip.  And for that alone she'd win this one.  Sorry Ms. Kitt.  See ya in the next bracket


Catwoman #1 - The original - Ms. Julie Newmar


Catwoman #5 - The somewhat underrated Halle Barry 
(Her that is, not the movie.  The movie sucks.)

Ok, I actually feel really badly for Ms. Barry about how the cards fell on this one, because let's be honest - this one just looks like a slaughter.  So to soften the blow, a few positive things to say about the Halle Barry Catwoman-

1: She has the whip, so I give her props (see what I did there?) For that one.
2: I actually like the costume to an extent and she certainly brought the kink
3:  The script was really not her fault.

I mean, Julie Newmar still wins this one by a landslide, but there was no reason to be cruel about it.


Catwoman #2 - aka The One Everyone Forgets - Lee Meriwether


Catwoman #6 - our last Challenger - Anne Hathoway

I can't state clearly enough here - Lee Meriwether was actually very good for what she was trold to do.  Unfortunately, what she was told to do was 'act as much like Julie Newmar as you can'  Lee was only Catwoman for the one goofy 60s film, and she was only in that because Julie Newmar was busy being 500 feet tall somewhere else at the time.  Anne Hathaway Catwoman on the other hand was at least focused on being her own Catwoman, which has to get her something philosophically, since that's sort of at the heart of the character.  Winner- Anne Hathaway.

 Michelle Pfeiffer
Julie Newmar

Ouch.  I love Cat-Pfeiffer, but Julie is clearly the winner here.

ditto for 


Julie Newmar

Anne Hathaway

Winner clearly Julie.

Which brings us to


Eartha Kitt 

Halle Barry

I actually kind of want to write a comparison/contrast paper about these two... 
However this post is already out of control so I'm going to just say that Eartha wins because without her Halle Barry would probably not even have a career.


Lee Meriwether


Michelle Pfeiffer

Pfeiffer.  By a lot.

Anne Hathoway


Eartha Kitt

I'm giving this one to Eartha Kitt and for the love of GOD are we almost done?  See - this is why no one wants to sit through an entire softball tournament anymore!

Michelle Pfeifer


Anne Hathoway

Which is ironically the question that started this discussing four million words ago and which I already discussed at great length elsewhere, so I'm going to give this round to Peter Boyle

Which leads us to-


Julie Newmar


Peter Boyle

And the winner clearly...

Is Peter Boyle.

So there you have it - Definitive proof - Peter Boyle IS the ultimate Catwoman.

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