Wednesday, July 30, 2014

It's a Bird. It's a Plane. It's Boobs.

Recently something fairly remarkable has been happening in  the State of Texas.

No, it's not Rick Perry doing something rational.  Let's not get crazy.

It's Boobs.

(Insert Cheap Rick perry joke here, if you feel so inclined.)

It seems that the phrase 'Open Carry' has been taken onto an entirely different plane by a group of counter-protesters.  But maybe I should start at the beginning...

There are a lot of men out there with very small penises.

To these men, life has no meaning unless they are able to carry assault rifles around in Walmart and Chipotle.

No, I don't entirely understand the through-line on the logic of that either, but there you go.

So, for the last longer-than-any-rational-society-should-put-up-with, these small penised men have been staging 'open carry' demonstrations, wherein they gather in medium sized groups with their compensatory firearms dangling limply at their sides and wander around trying to scare the crap out of everyone they encounter on the theory that this is exactly what Thomas Jefferson wanted*.

*Ironically, T.J. suffered from no such compensatory need, as anyone who has collected the Commemorative Wangs of The Founding Fathers coin set can attest.

Well, some enterprising woman did a little research and discovered that it is apparently not against the law in Dallas, TX for a woman to walk around topless.  And so, as a counter-protest to the Tiny Wang Assault Rifle Parade (TWARP), they have begun showing up at the 'open carry rallies' and following the gun nuts around topless.  Normally this would be the sort of thing those men are into, but sadly these are actual human women and not airbrushed Maxim photographs, and so the whole thing is just completely freaking them out instead.

Best.  Counter-Protest.  Ever.

As I have long held - If you can't achieve 'avenge', go for 'confuse'.

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