Sunday, July 6, 2014

Vizsla Flashback - What I Know About Independance Day

It was an incredibly crappy and lazily scripted movie released in 1996, directed by Roland Emmerich - A man who appears to love nothing more than frantically pleasuring himself while watching computer generated simulations of national monuments being destroyed in a variety of ways.

"Oh... Oh God.. Yeah... There... Shoot the laser right theeeeeeeeeeere...."

In other terms - Independence Day is another name for the 4th of July, the day on which America commemorates to adoption of the Declaration of Independence* by shooting off a large number of fireworks. 

*Although it's a reasonable guess that not one American in a thousand could actually tell you that that's specifically what's being commemorated.  Nor could they probably spell 'commemorated'.

As we all know, fireworks date back to the Han dynasty in China (more or less 200 BC) and were traditionally used to ensure good fortune by frightening away ghosts and spirits.

Which is why we fire them off on the 4th of July - to ensure that zombie Thomas Jefferson doesn't descend on you and eat your children in the night.

That's what we have Antonin Scalia for.

You're welcome, America.  Please carry on frightening away ghosts and refusing to learn the metric system.

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