Prosecutor Markie Post:
Sir, if you could please state your name for the record
Candy Corn:
Um, I'm not really a 'sir'
PMP:
I beg your pardon
CC:
I'm not really a 'sir'.
PMP:
You're not?
CC:
No, I'm more of a conglomerate anthropomorphism of a type of candy. Not really replete with sex organs.
PMP:
Can we just go along with the social convention and leave your sex organs out of it, for the sake of clarity?
CC:
I don't actually have...
PMP:
Your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile?
Judge Judy:
You may
PMP:
Is it not true, Sir, that you are in fact the confection known as 'Candy Corn'
CC:
I am, yes.
PMP:
And is it not also true that you totally suck?
CC:
Wow, you weren't kidding about the 'hostile' thing, were you.
PMP:
Your honor, the witness is being evasive
JJ:
Answer the counsel's questions please. And I remind you, you are under oath.
CC:
What's even happening here?
PMP:
Are you not, for the record, the type of candy first created in the 1880s, deliberately molded to mimic the shape of the grain known in the United States as 'Corn'
CC:
I am, yes.
PMP:
And do you not, in fact, suck more than any other candy known to man
CC:
I object
JJ:
I'm not actually sure that the witness can object
CC:
But your honor. How can anyone possibly say I suck more than any other candy. Leaving aside the fact that it's a completely subjective statement, I mean... my God. There are Marshmallow Peeps out there!
JJ:
He has a point Counsellor. Marshmallow peeps do suck significant ass.
CC:
And what of Black Licorice?
PMP:
I will not allow you to disparage Black Licorice in this court of law!
CC:
Why are you wearing a bikini?
at this point Judge Judy cleared the courtroom
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