Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Let's remember what Christmas is really about. Vague disappointment and self loathing.

About this time every year I confront a crucial and time honored question-

Is this the year I get around to buying an advent calendar?

On the off chance that there are any among you who aren't familiar with the item - An advent calendar is basically your basic one page calendar of the Month of December with little flaps on each day that open to reveal a little surprise behind each day.  On some versions it's a piece of candy on each day, on others it's a small toy or a joke that isn't in any way funny.  You get the idea.

The practical upshot is that if you're a slightly OCD child who's excited about the countdown to Christmas it gives you something to really, really obsess about for a few weeks,  Plus - candy.

The hitch - it really only works if you get your shit together early enough to pick one up before December begins.  Otherwise you're into catching up several days at once territory - which feels like cheating and somewhat undermines the pleasing OCD-ness of the whole process.  Once you get to the 3rd or 4th you pretty much let it go for the year and make a vague promise to yourself that next November you'll remember.  Yeah.  Next year you'll get it together.  You're gonna be awesome, next-year guy.  Just you wait and see.

Then next December 3rd rolls around and the cycle begins anew.

At this point I'm not even sure that I actually want an advent calendar in and of itself.  I suspect I might just want to be the sort of person that has his shit together enough to have actually acquired an advent calendar.  Then, no matter how badly one might fail with all of the rest of the unrealistic expectations of the Christmas season, at the very least, at the end of the day, you can say to yourself - 'Hey, how bad can I be?  I have an advent calendar, buddy.  I have my shit together.'

-Let the Season of Christmas self-impeachment commence.

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