Be Sexier Now!

Hello Gentlemen, I'm here to announce an incredible opportunity for you

We here at the Vizsla have done the research for you, and thoughtfully provide this handy chart of things that you can do right now to make yourself more sexually attractive.  Keep in mind these findings are all supported by actual statistics, and in no way are just pulled out of anyone's butt.  No sir.

BATHE - 13.6% Sexier

It's true.  It urns out that research supports that not looking filthy and smelling like the inside of a jockstrap actually increases your sexual desirability.*

*With the exception of a 2.5% swing percentage of the population who are into that sort of thing.  It's not about judging.

LEARNING TO PLAY THE BANJO - 7.2% Sexier

Data clearly proves that a man who can play the Banjo is 7.2% sexier than lesser men. This is science talking, people.  Simply holding a Banjo will increase a man's sexiness by 2.8%.  This bump disappears however if, upon being asked to play the aforementioned Banjo, said man simply breaks down into tears* and runs away.

*With the exception of a 2.5% swing percentage of the population who are into that sort of thing.  It's not about judging.

KNOWING A LOT ABOUT DOCTOR WHO - 4.1% Sexier.

This is science talking, people.  Science.

LIFTING WEIGHTS A LOT AND GETTING REALLY BUFF - .6% Sexier

See.  Just .6%.  Now, doesn't that justify your decision in middle school to stay home reading comic books instead of joining the football team?  You bet your ass it does.  Hey, Mr. 1% Body fat - Do you have a complete near-mint run of Sandman issues 1-75?  No.  No, I didn't think so.

RESCUING A DROWNING BEAR - 46% Sexier.

First, Check out this news item.  Now, empirically if we look at Adam we can see - objectively- that he isn't particularly attractive, per-se.  HOWEVER.... THE MAN IS RESCUE SWIMMING A FREAKING 400 LB BLACK BEAR OUT OF DANGER.  

Adam clearly wins.  I'm just going under the assumption that there was a violent scrum of folk waiting to pleasure him the second he got back onto the beach, and that he therefore joins Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield and Curator of Mammals Kristofer Helgen in the 'Tonight, When You Make Love to Your Woman, She Will Be Thinking of Me' club*

*Would it be wrong to get that printed on a T-shirt and send one to each of the three Gentlemen?  Would anyone else buy one?

Thanks you.  We hope this information has been helpful.