Vizsla, It's cold outside

When I woke up this morning it was -11 degrees outside.  (that's Fahrenheit, for you European types.  I believe it translates to about 23.8 bar below zero.  Yes, The Vizsla is not afraid to do the math.  Or use the correct terms for a repeating remainder.  Suck it, Air Bud.)

This has temporarily delayed my post-holiday round-up so that I can address the following crucial issue.

I know a lot of you are saying to yourself - 'Self, I sure love the midwinter holiday appropriate to my cultural background.  But I sure wish that I had a song relevant to that culturally derived Holiday that was a little less date-rapey than the now standard 'Baby it's cold outside'  (Seriously.  Nothing says Christmas like a random mention of Roofies.)

To that end, I present an alternate take.

You are, as always, Welcome, Universe.

Vizsla, It's cold outside.

an internal monologue.

I really must pee

<Vizlsa, it's cold outside>

I'm all urine-y 

<Vizlsa, it's cold outside>

Tonight's Alpo has been

<Been hoping you'd like a milkbone>

So very nice

<Who wants to slip out on that ice?>

My Mother'd have to put on boots

<Maybe it's just the toots>

My Father won't clean the floor

<You won't have no acc'dents no more>

And really my legs are crossed

<bladder control ain't yet lost>

Well, maybe just a snausage more...

<Make some yeti noises some more>

I kind of must poop

<But Vizsla it's cold outside>

My hinder must droop

<but Vizsla it's cold outside

I wish I knew how

<you're eyes are really floating now>

To use the john*

<That rug - I must not tinkle on>

I ought to sack up and brave it

<Those booties just drive my crazy>

My paws they always get so frosty

<Can't you see the battle is lost-y>

I really can't hold it

<Baby don't hold it>

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

but daddy...

It was COOOOOOLLD  OUUUUUUUT.  SIIIIIIIIIDE

Thank you.  God bless.  Tip your wait staff.