Sunday, April 27, 2014

Vizsla Flashback - They're Very Nice, But I'm Still Going to Need Drinks First

Now, it may not have escaped your notice that the Vizsla knows a thing or two about a thing or two.  But that is not to say that there aren't a fair number of things out there that I find... well, I'm going to go with 'Perplexing'*.

*Because it's a good word and doesn't get enough usage.  Also, it seemed less judge-y that 'whack-ass'

One of those things that perplexes me is a current trend I've noticed in footwear.

Namely, what the hell is up with the sudden inrush of sneakers with day-glo neon accents, soles, and whatnot?  (Nobody deserves the heartbreak of a dayglo whatnot, btw)

In the last month or so I've seen no end of sneakers (or 'cross-trainers' if you're trying to justify how much you paid for them) in Bright Orange, Radioactive Hulk Green and Hot Pink walking through these our city's skyways.

It's as if suddenly half of the city has had a burning desire to make the unequivocal statement to the world; "Hey!  I have Feet!"

Which got me thinking about bright colors in nature.  From an evolutionary biology standpoint, the whole purpose of having bright colors on or about oneself is to attract the attention of possible sexual partners.  You know - the way the Kardashians use it.

So, is the entire city suddenly making a concerted effort to bed me?  Should I be more cautious walking to the parking ramp?

But then you also have to factor in the work of Lyall Watson - Specifically his book 'Dark Nature: A Natural History of Evil' which I honestly cannot recommend highly enough as a good read.

 I'm sure you've all already read it, so I'll  just get to the relevant point- The reason, he argues, that brightly colored beings are so much more bone-able is kind of counter-intuitive.  Specifically, anything that has predators and is brightly colored is much more visible to the aforementioned predators and is therefor MUCH more likely to get eaten or killed (or shot - if we're talking about North Minneapolis).

Therefore, being brightly colored - which rightly should be an evolutionary disadvantage - actually turns out to be an advantage when it comes to being super-sexy, since it implies that your genes must be extra super strong for your family line to have made it this far, what with all the being eaten, killed and shot that your ancestors must have had to make it through.

So, I think we all see what the only logical conclusion is.

The brightly colored sneaker people* either want you to have sex with them OR attempt to kill them so that they will seem sexier to other people.

You'll have to make your own call on a case-by-case basis.

*Either the best band name ever or the worst.  Possibly both.

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