Thursday, May 15, 2014

If You're Going to Be An Otter, Be A Butch Otter

So there's some hoo-ha going on in Idaho concerning a legal struggle between some people who would like to get married and some other people who have nothing better to do than worry about other people getting married.  Apparently their argument is based on a deliberate misunderstanding of a two thousand year old book that tells you who you're allowed to hate.*

*I admit that my understanding of their argument is a little hazy, based on the fact that I can only listen to stupid for so long before I zone out.  It seems to have a lot to do with aesthetics, NFL showering and not wanting to have to interact with their own children.  I know.  I don't get it either.

This is not what we're here to talk about.

What we're here to talk about is that fact that the news reporting of the whole hoo-ha occasionally causes you to come across sentences such as - "U.S. Magistrate Judge Candy W. Dale has denied Gov. Butch Otter's motion for a stay on her decision overturning Idaho's ban on same-sex marriages."

To which the obvious response is, 'I'm sorry, did you just say that the name of Idaho's Governor is 'Butch Otter?'

Yes.  Yes it is.

Well, sort of.  His given name is Clement Leroy Otter.  Butch is a nickname.  But nonetheless. Butch Otter. Governor Butch Otter.

Running his name through image search reveals a shocking lack of photoshopped pictures of Otters trying very hard to look all tough and hardcore (so someone out there in the Internet community really needs to get on that please), but does provide us with the info that he apparently accidentally appeared in a softcore porn in 1992.*

*This briefly raises the hope that Butch Otter was his porn name and he forgot to switch back when he ran for office, but no.

Top Five things a really Butch Otter might say-

1. Look at my cute little hands...  As they kick your ass.

2. The F150 totally has more room in the seat for my tail, which is thick at the base, muscular, flexible, and tapers to a point.

3. Yeah, Bob and I hold hands when we're floating down the river on our backs.  But it's just so that we don't drift apart while we're napping, don't make it creepy, bub.

4. I'm going to break open a clam with a rock... as soon as I finish rewiring my kitchen to install a dedicated receptacle circuit for the new garbage disposal

5. Yeah, I built that china hutch over there.  Suck it, Beavers.


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