Friday, January 24, 2014

Additional thoughts on the Disney Princesses

It occurs to me after the fact that there might be more to the Disney Princesses than just the dream of one day seeing them in a UFC cage match.

For example -

According to Wikipedia (still not a valid source of info) there is a core group of Eleven Official Disney princesses.  I appreciate the phrasing 'Core Group', because it makes them sound like a gestalt, fighting crime individually and occasionally joining into one being known as 'Princessetron' for the really big cosmic battles.  But I digress - 

Pocahontas -

I appreciate that they're trying to group all of their female leads into a core group of something that they vaguely believe to be 'empowering' (even though it really isn't).  But at the end of the day, no matter how they twist the intro on the Wikipedia entry, there's no valid way to claim Pocahontas as being a 'Princess'.  Outside of the fact that it's mapping a completely unrelated social structure from Western Europe onto a group that bore almost no resemblance to medieval hierarchy, it kind of undermines the whole 'Independent person' vibe that the movie was sort of going for.  Short version - Tribes simply didn't see rulership in those terms.  The chief wasn't 'appointed by God to rule' and his offspring certainly wouldn't have just inherited a kingdom.  If you're really interested, this is a pretty good article on the topic.  If you really want to force Poc (she and I are tight, I can use the diminutive) into being a Princess then you'd have to ship her to England and have her devote herself to a Prince.  Which also demonstratively did not happen.  Unless by 'Prince' you mean 'Type 2 Diabetes brought on by an onslaught of rich and sugary foods that her system could never have been prepared for', which is what actually happened in real life.  I'd like to see the dance number for that one

Ariel (the Little Mermaid)

One of the Double Barreled princesses, Ariel is both the daughter of a King herself, AND marries into a royal family.  The real bonus for Hubby Prince Eric is that her line of royalty has always lived exclusively Under the Sea (cue music), and there is therefore no reasonable way that she's going to turn out to be his first cousin, unlike just about every other possible bride that he might have ended up with.  So, score one to broadening the gene pool there.

And am I the only one that noticed that King Triton was perfectly capable of changing her between Mermaid and Human at any time with absolutely no effort at all?  Which effectively means that his final comment about never seeing her again is just him being a phenomenal douche, since he could literally grow a pair and walk to her place any time he wanted to.


A rare example of female royalty marrying a guy that wasn't.  Which might almost be mistaken for an empowering message were it not for the way it all depends on her Daddy saying it's OK.  Cool tiger though.


OK, my issue isn't so much with Belle as it is with the Provincial Water Supply.  Specifically, what the Hell is in it that causes everyone to completely forget that castle over the hill where that little Prince who was such an asshole lived ten years ago.  I mean, honestly.  They stress repeatedly that it's been ten years since little Prince Douchleroy was cursed into becoming a best.  All well and good.  Yet everyone in the next village over is totally shocked to learn about a beast living in their neighborhood to the point of taking up flaming torches and pitchforks.  Seriously?  No one ever popped over to see why they'd suddenly stopped hearing from or about every single person in that kingdom?  And after ten years I suspect Mr. Used-to-Beast isn't likely to have much kingdom left to rule over, unless the surrounding dukes and lords left his lands alone out of courtesy.

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