Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Medical Degree Schmidical Degree

I'm not at all certain what I did in the night two nights ago*, but I woke up yesterday morning with the worst crick in my neck ever experienced by anyone in the history of the planet

*Current theory - Narcoleptic crimefighting while dressed as a Narwhal

The really strange thing is, this neck-crick in located in a location no sane neck crick would possibly allow itself to be located in. (Between T1 and T2 for those spine enthusiasts among you)  This has, as you might imagine, left me somewhat befuddled as to what exactly is going on to cause such pain in said location.

Because I'd rather make stuff up than do any actual research, here's the current list of theories as to what ails me-

1 - Xyphoid process, after years of longing for freedom, is attempting to tunnel it's way out through my back on the theory that that route might be less guarded.

-Arguments for theory - Allows me to use the words 'Xyphoid process'
-Arguments against theory - No discernible sign of tunnelling through lungs.  Xyphoid process still clearly visible in correct location

2 - My T1 is currently engaged in a fearsome battle with T1000.  Fate of the future hangs in balance.

-Arguments for theory - Sounds awesome.
-Arguments against theory -Little reason for robots from the future to attack that specific vertebrae, unless spynet took offense to that post about smart TVs from a few days back.

3 - Beginning stages of growth of enormous leathery bat-like wings.  In which case I will be having a pointed conversation with one or both of my parents RE: Familial background and will immediately be resubmitting my application to the X-Men.

-Arguments for theory -It's the one I want most to be true
-Arguments against theory -Most mutations manifest themselves at the onset of puberty (see: Kitty Pryde).  Which was more years ago than I feel comfortable mentioning.

4 - Voodoo doll.  Somewhere.  Perhaps with that guy in the Temple of Doom.

-Arguments for theory -It IS the traditional place to stab a voodoo doll.
-Arguments against theory -I wouldn't recognize a shankara stone if I was relieving myself on one.  Which actually might explain how I pissed the Temple of Doom guy off in the first place, I suppose...

Further information to follow as it comes to light.

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