Thursday, January 16, 2014

Less Common Vampire Stereotypes

Sure, we all know the biggies when it comes to common Vampire Stereotypes.  Afraid of Garlic (mostly accurate), not much for tanning (very true), sleep in coffins (untrue.  And as it turns out, insulting.  Sorry again, Don)

Now, thanks to the Twilight franchise we also know that Vampires apparently roll in glitter*.  So this seemed like a reasonable time to address some other, lesser known stereotypes about the living-limited.

*Which, since glitter is what unicorns bleed, kind of makes sense.  At least, as much as anything in that franchise.

1:  Vampires all know a lot of guys named Al.

- OK, it's true that the stats kind of back this one up.  I mean, Minnesota Senator Al Franken alone has about 1 hundred Vampire contacts in his Outlook folder.  But in his defense, as a US Senator he's supposed  to work with lawmakers on the other side of the aisle, so you can't really blame him.

Validity rating - 6/10

2:  Vampires are all bad at math

- Hey, we were all thinking it.  I mean, my pal Ernie the Flayer knows almost nothingabout quadratic equations.  Nothing.

Validity rating - 9/10

3:  Vampires are all members of Zydeco bands

-This one probably stems from the heavy vampire population in and around Louisiana.  But honestly.  This is just small mindedness.  I know many vampires, and only a few of them are in Zydeco bands.  Like, 7 of them at most.

Validity rating - 2/10

4:  Vampires are a literary metaphor for the aristocracy living entirely on the work of the common people and giving nothing back to society.

-That's just crazy talk.  They're clearly a visual metaphor for 'Things Teenage girls think are sexy'.  Honestly, do a little research.

Validity rating - 0/10

5:  Vampires are lazy and just sneaking into this country illegally to steal our jobs, despite the inherent contradiction between those two things.

- Don't be stupid.  That's Chupacabras.

Validity Rating - 1/10

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