A fair long while ago now, my friend Frank remarked as regards Laura Branigan - It's too bad that she didn't have a friend to tell her that those leather pants were a bad idea.
And indeed, back in the days of 'Gloria', you were unlikely to ever see Laura Branigan without her trademark leather pants, And they were indeed an unfortunate fashion choice.
With that painful lesson in mind, I've identified a need that really needs to be addressed, and clearly there are no friends who are willing to tell the painful truth in this instance.
So I'm stepping in.
Barbra Streisand - That is too much boob.
The picture linked above, the cover of her most recent concert album as seen on Public Television 'Back in Brooklyn' shows Babs in the outfit she wears in that concert. Note that the cleavage actually goes well below the clasp and seems to be making a determined attempt to get to her navel. We have no choice but to address this with an open letter.
Having recently become aware of the cover of your latest concert album, I'm concerned by the... shall we say... ample bosom on display. I'm not certain why exactly you've chosen an outfit that so clearly opens the Path to Boob Mountain*, but I can make a few guesses.
*Least successful Disney movie ever.
Perhaps the rumors are true and your marriage is on the rocks. I don't usually keep up with that kind of thing, but somebody told me they had heard that that was what was going on. If that's the case, I can understand your wanting to feel sexy and desirable. I do. But Babs, that outfit accomplishes neither of those things.
Let's be blunt Barbra, you're 71 years old. (If your imbd record is accurate.) And while I don't want to imply that women of your age bracket shouldn't be able to own their own sexuality. That's all you and power to you if you want to own it.
That dress does not communicate 'owning my own sexuality'. It communicates 'I'm expecting a small group of hungry orphans.'
I'm sorry you had to hear it like this Barbra, but I think it's for the best that you were told.
I hope we're still cool.