Tuesday, February 18, 2014

If you can't 'Avenge', shoot for 'Confuse'

So the battle for my long held and beloved parking spot goes on.

For anyone new to the discussion, you can get up to speed on the backstory here.

This morning I performed what is now my usual morning routine.  I woke up, thought, 'Oh, I can sleep another 15 minutes', then immediately thought, 'No I CAN NOT, MUST.  DESTROY.  GRAY.  SEDAN!'

I then leaped out of bed (which is to seriously risk pulling something at my age), threw on some clothes as fast as I could, and raced to the freeway.

Where I sat at a dead stop for over 10 minutes because apparently everyone is stupid and forgot that we live in Minnesota where things freeze from time to time and really we should stop all being surprised by that.

Needless to say, as I pulled into the parking ramp at 5 to 9, my spot was well and truly already occupied by the evil gray sedan who is currently the bane of my existence.

Damn you, gray sedan.  Damn you.

My options for vengeance were limited, no matter how my heart yearned for same. 

-I couldn't key them.  Outside of being bad karma, it would also be fairly obvious who had done it once I resumed parking in the spot.  Plus we're then looking at payback scenarios.

-Cutting their brake line - while eliminating the fear of them knowing who did it afterwards OR being around for payback, there's still the karma issue to consider.  Plus possible jail time.

-There was no immediately obvious option 3.

There I was, alone in the parking ramp with nothing but a swipe card and some spare change.  And so I did what anyone would do.

I left a dime on top of their car, in an area where I hoped it would be immediately spotted.

My line of thought ran more or less along these lines.  The driver of the Gray Sedan, upon returning to his/her vehicle would see the coin and be perplexed.  'Why is there a coin on my car?  Was someone throwing coins at my car? No, a quick review of the vehicle shows no sign of dents or scratches.  And yet this coin.  From whence came this coin??  A Pox upon you, shiny currency, for your mystery has like a dew from the brow of Jove fallen upon the brightness of my mind and rendered all but shadow!'

Yes, in my mind the driver of the car is a someone from one of Shakespeare's History plays.

Further, for every day the Gray Sedan defeats me and claims my spot, I'll put a further coin of random denomination on their roof.  Maybe a nickle.  Then a quarter.  Then a Pound.  Maybe a Lira (They don't even TAKE these anymore!).  Perhaps even a Chuck-E-Cheese token.  Just one bewildering unit of currency after another, until eventually the driver is driven mad by the inexplicability of the whole situation, and takes themselves to a nunnery.  Or perhaps Spain.  Either way.

I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to play out.  I'll keep you posted.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmmm, isn't that positive reinforcement of a behavior you don't wish to continue? Wouldn't it be better to find their car on days you get your spot and leave them coins when they park elsewhere? or chocolate.