Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Well, I guess Gotham is just screwed then.

Over the course of casual conversation last night I was struck by something.

There is a colossal problem with Gotham City's civil defense system.

Specifically, Commissioner Gordon's ability to call Batman for help being entirely reliant on the Batsignal, which as we all know is a giant searchlight with the shape of a bat in it. 

Which is all well and good, assuming that it's always dark out when the Commissioner needs to get a hold of him.  Should the Commissioner urgently need to call Batman at - say - quarter after one in the afternoon he is pretty much hosed.

Which I can only assume regularly leads to variations of the following conversation:

Batman:  (Swooping in from above heroically) I'm here Commissioner, what do you n... oh Good Lord why is everyone dead?

Commissioner Gordon:  The Riddler poisoned the reservoir this afternoon.

Batman:  Why didn't you call me?  I could have prevented this.

Commissioner Gordon: Because all I have is a FREAKIN SEARCHLIGHT!

Batman: Oh.  Um..

Commissioner Gordon: I've been shining it all afternoon.

Batman:  Oh.  Well... You see...  Bats are nocturnal, so..

Commissioner Gordon: They also constantly urinate, I notice your obsession with literalism doesn't extend that far.

Batman:  Hey now, that's...

Commissioner Gordon:  Seriously, you can have a batarang, but not a SMARTPHONE?

Batman:  Yeah, the thing about that...

Commissioner Gordon:  Or even a friggen beeper?  They've only been around for 30 years!

Batman:  Nobody cool carries a beeper anymore.

Commissioner Gordon:  I hate you.

Batman:  Now that's just hurtful.

And that's just irresponsible crimefighting.  That's all I'm saying.

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