Wednesday, May 8, 2013

An open letter to newborns

Hello there, Babies.

And by that I mean of course actual human newborns, not the adults who insist on behaving like them  That's a whole different letter for another day.

First things first.  Hi.  Welcome to the planet.  Sorry about the state of a lot of it, but what can you do, right?

Starting at the beginning, I am what is called a 'Dog'.  This is a fourth classification of being around you, following on from 'Mom', 'Not-Mom', and 'Peasants.'  You can identify a dog as being different from the peasants (or 'other people', as you might hear them referred to) in two key ways.

1:  They are much much better than people

2:  They pretty much stay on all four legs.

SO, now that you can identify 'Dog', there's a few things that 'Dog' would like you to be aware of from the outset.

1:  The ears and tail are not for pulling.  (Although we'll probably put up with it for awhile)

2:  We don't really ride well.  Attempts to do so are not going to end happily for anyone.

3:  That soft spot thing on  the top of your head?  It's creeping me out.  It's called a fontanelle btw (Vizsla = Knowledge, as has been observed often before.)  But whatever you call it,  it's creepy.  There should be bone there.  Please deal with that as soon as possible.

4:  We are totally down with sharing food.  This info is going to come in incredibly handy in a few years time, so keep that one in your back pocket.

5:  No matter what happens, at the end of the day, your dog is the best friend that you're ever going to have.  They'll protect you, they'll tolerate you attempting to ride them, they will always be on your side, and they'll love you when you feel like no one could.  If you feel like the world is a cold and crappy place (and it is - a not-inconsiderable amount of the time) look for the warmest and most love filled place in your life and your dog will be there waiting for you.

But seriously - don't forget to share the food..

With love, and Yeti noises,

The Vizsla

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