Friday, August 23, 2013

A Dog responds to Business Insider or Please stop picking on Idaho

Earlier today my attention was drawn to an article in Business Insider presenting results from a SurveyMonkey poll that they ran to gauge how the State of America felt about the Other States of America.

The results were pleasing on a couple levels-

1:  They said some interesting things about how we view different portions of our country

2:  The results were represented in pretty colors.

The way Business Insider chose to display the results to their survey is with a map of the US for each question with the results shown by coloring in the State that people voted for.  The more votes, the darker the color of that state.


Here is the article itself, so that you can follow along as I make a few observations:

1:  Which State has the weirdest Accent

'The people' chose Massachusetts as the State with the weirdest accent (although I think it's probably fair to say that they were probably just thinking of Boston) - and... fair enough.  I personally have immediate relatives who fled the city in terror about the time that their first child began learning to speak, with avoiding the accent being the stated reason.

But a look at the map shows that my home State of Minnesota apparently scored pretty high in the weird accent stakes.  Which I kind of have to give them.  Minnesota likes to do some extraordinarily odd things to a diphthong.  And one doesn't like to brag, but our 'O's are significantly longer than the national average.

2:  Which State has the best food

The poll came down on the side of New York here, although I would have expected Louisiana (really just New Orleans) to have carried the day.

That said, everything I eat comes out of a can or a bag (and most strenuously was NOT manufactured in China, after a few high profile incidents) so I have to admit to not caring very much about this question.

3:  Which State has the worst food.

I'm going to declare that voting Alaska as the worst food in the Union is just plain unfair, as there are only so many creative ways to prepare Moose.  Way to kick a State when it's down, SurveyMonkey.

4:  Which State is your favorite.

Not one vote for Nebraska.  Not One.  How are the Huskers supposed to pick up the pieces from that and move on?

5:  Which State is your Least Favorite

Judging by the extreme color differential, people hate Texas a LOT more than anywhere else.  Perhaps if Texas spent less time going out of its way to hate Women it might do better next year.

But outside of that - check out the surprising amount of hate for Idaho.

What the Hell did Idaho ever do to anybody?

Are we blaming the whole State for Larry Craig?  (Oh - P.S. - Larry - it's legal for you to get married in Minnesota now!)

6/7: Which State is the Craziest/Which State has the Hottest Residents

Both of which were clean sweeps by California, which probably says something unhealthy about what Americans find sexually desirable...

8:  Which State has the Ugliest residents

This appears to have become a thinly veiled game of 'kick the guys below the Mason/Dixon line', but once again check out the disproportionate amount of Idaho representation.

Again I ask - What the Hell are we mad at Idaho for?

One thing I did enjoy about the responses on this - EVERY SINGLE STATE was voted ugliest by somebody.  Which just goes to show- you really can't please everyone, now can you?

9: Which State has the Most Beautiful Scenery?

A solid 'W' for Colorado, which I suppose is fair enough - the mountains are lovely.  But once again, check out the northwest.

Roughly equal love given to the scenery of Montana, Washington and Oregon and none for Idaho.   What, the scenery is lush and beautiful right up until the State line, then becomes hideous until you reach a State that might conceivably be willing to sell you weed?

10: Which State has the worst scenery.

None of the people who voted for Kansas and New Jersey have ever driven across South Dakota.  That's all I'm saying.

11:  Which State is the Drunkest

A SOLID win for Louisiana (really just for New Orleans), but compare these results to the winners of both Crazy AND Hot and take a moment with what you see.

And don't think I didn't notice that Minnesota was clearly registering on the drunk scale.

12-14:  The Land of no surprises 

Best Vacation States were California and Florida and New York won both Most Arrogant and Rudest by a wide margin.  Yes, we were all shocked.  (Although this is clearly another case of judging the whole State by just one City)

15:  Which State is the Nicest

On behalf of all of Minnesota I say -  What???  Georgia?!??  We got beat out by f**king GEORGIA??

16:  Which State is smartest

Apparently only states on the coasts get to be smart.  We in Minnesota only get to be 'nice'.  Although apparently not as nice as Georgia.  Not that I'm bitter.  Whatever.

17:  Which State is dumbest

Another round of mock the Southerners - although to be fair, (I'm looking at you, Kentucky) any State with a creationist museum is pretty much asking for it.

18-19:  Which State has the Best sports fans/worst sports fans

The answer to both questions is apparently New York, so I'm choosing to see this as one of those Mets v. Yankees things that I don't really understand.

I will however say in regard to the Worst Sports Fans map - Alaska??  Seriously??   What sports franchise are they being unruly toward, the Moose Pass Marmots??

20:  Which State would you like to see kicked out of the Union

Well, Texas, to be fair, you were the one who suggested leaving first.  Plus it would spare the rest of us from ever having to hear Rick Perry say or do anything ever again.

21:  Which State is Most Overrated

Remember- A vote for California is a vote for 'Fine, I didn't want anybody to option my screenplay anyway.'

22:  Which State is most underrated

I feel like Maine's inclusion here is the blowback from decades of Stephen King novels.

So, what have we learned today?

Everybody appears to hate Idaho.
In America, Crazy and Sexy are interchangeable
Nobody likes not being as nice as Georgia
If you have nothing else to say, you can still at least take the opportunity to crap all over the South

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