Saturday, August 17, 2013

Yeah... We Don't Say That...

I've been meaning to talk about this for a while now.  And to be honest I'm not entirely positive that I haven't at some point, so if - a hundred or so posts on - I start to repeat myself, please forgive an old dog trying to make a point.

There a a hell of a lot of frankly offensive anti-dog sayings out there.

I'll preface the imminent discussion with a moment of context.  Once, many years ago, I actually heard someone refer to another person as a 'Native-American Giver'.

Yes, take a moment with that.

I'd like to be able to tell you that I took them aside and explained how the word 'Indian' in the original expression wasn't really what was offensive about the saying, but in reality I think I just quietly killed off that last dying ember of hope for any future for the human race and went on with my day.

So what I'm saying here is that I am fully aware that it's the context that matters, rather than the surface level specifics.

That said - here are a few dog-related expressions that I think we should talk about.

A Dog's Breakfast

Common Usage:  'Man, you made a right Dog's Breakfast out of that assignment'

Implication - A complete and disgusting mess.  You know, like what a dog might eat.  In the morning.

Ok.  I acknowledge that the fact that I regularly eat my own vomit and feces does not, in point of fact, help my case here.  BUT.  Just because you CHOOSE to feed me mixed up scraps of meat-like product in gravy does not mean that I would not prefer to be eating fine fillet with a cheeky bordeaux.

The problem isn't what I'm willing to eat for breakfast, buddy.  The problem is what YOU are willing to serve.

Dog Tired

Common Usage:  'Man, I am dog tired'

Implication - Exhausted, ready to drop.  Worked so hard that one literally has no more energy to give.  (Mild implication of 'lazy'.

I admit.  I have frequently in the past acknowledged that nobody likes a nice nap like a Vizsla does.  However, that nap is frequently following a hard day chasing bunnies away from your precious garden, and this is the thanks I get?

Points for the implication that I work hard.  Points deducted for the implication that I'm lazy.  That's all I'm sayin', yo.

Dog Eared

Common Usage:  The book was old, with many Dog Eared Pages.

Implication - Folded over, Tattered, care-worn.

I acknowledge that I initially overreacted on this one.  Once you actually think about it, the reference is clearly just that the folding over of a corner of the page is a lot like the adorable way a dog's ear folds over.

HOWEVER - The association with old and falling apart items is not flattering.  Not.  At.  All.

Bitch, Please.

No, I'll give you this one.  Bitches be crazy, yo.

It's a Dog Eat Dog World.

Common Usage:  It's a Dog eat Dog world.

Implication - Dogs go around eating each other because we have a concept of good and evil.

Oh.  Wait.  No, we don't.  You know who's shitty to each other for no reason?  People.  Leave the dogs out of it, please.

There are plenty more, but it's time for my Mani-Peti, so I'll just leave you with this-

Anytime a human being tries to attribute a negative stereotype on a dog, you know who they're really talking about?

Other people.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a cheeky Bordeaux waiting to go alongside my dinner.

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