So this morning I got out of bed and went directly to get a few Ibuprofin*
*You don't know that that's why I had a headache and who are you to judge me
Because I was still more or less 40% asleep, a quick glance at the shelf what contains pills caused me to misread one of the other bottles as 'Racist Pills'
I don't actually remember what the label actually said, but I can tell you that I spent the rest of the morning mulling over what exactly 'Racist Pills' might do.
Are they pills that make you Racist?
Why on Earth would any self-respecting drug company market even make such a thing, let alone market them?
Who in the name of Sweet Fuzzy Jesus would prescribe those?
Are they pills you take to make you less racist?
While I have to admit that - being an American - my first instinct in responding to any problem at all is to immediately start taking medication of some sort, I also have to think that if we'd actually found a pill that made people less racist it probably would have come up a lot in the news media. Well... maybe not on Fox...
Or... and I'm just spitballing here...
Are the pills themselves racist? Is that what the label is trying to warn us of?
You know.. like Primaquine.*
*You're going to have to track down the relevant episode of M.A.S.H. on your own if you don't get that reference.
And even if the pills effects don't vary because of the pill's racism, perhaps this is just some sort of 'Angie's List' for pharmaceuticals - You know, giving you the heads up on things like 'Hey, this guys a great housepainter, buy you should be aware that he's really, really racist so you might not want to support his business...' or 'Yeah, sure the pill will cure your Crohn's, but you should hear the way it talks about Hispanics!'
See, now this is why English is a problematic language. If we hadn't traded Noun Declension in exchange for Strict Sequencing Rules then we'd have our answer - based on if 'Racist' was in prepositional or nominative case. I'm just sayin'.