Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Superhero, or Stripper...

I know what you're thinking. 

You're a little confused about your place in the general scheme of things. 

You're having a crisis of personal identity. 

You're not clear why, exactly, you're wearing spandex.

In short, you are facing the age-old dilemma - Am I a Superhero?  Or am I a Stripper?

Have no fear, the Vizsla is here to help.  Just work your way through the following handy list of assessment questions.

As always- you're welcome, planet.

Superhero or Stripper 
Self assessment questionnaire

1: Do you have washboard abs and less than 4% body fat?

If no, you are neither a superhero nor a stripper. 

If yes - Inconclusive.  This points equally well in either direction - Proceed to question 2

2:  Do you own more than one item of clothing designed to be torn away quickly in order to reveal what is underneath?

If no, you are neither a superhero nor a stripper.

If yes - also inconclusive.  Proceed to question 3

3:  Do you, on a regular basis, find it necessary to remove your outerwear in public in response to shouting?

If no, you are neither a superhero nor a stripper.
However, based on your answer to question 1 we'd like to encourage you to keep this policy in place.

If yes - dammit... also inconclusive.  Depends on what sort of shouts we're talking about, now doesn't it.

4:  Do you live in fear of your friends and family learning about what you do at night?

If no, you are either not a Superhero or a Stripper, or you're just fairly well adjusted about your place in the scheme of things.  Good on you, either way.

If yes-  Goddammit.  Inconclusive.  Man, this is turning out to be less helpful than I initially imagined...

5:  Do you have an arch-enemy?

If no, you're probably not a superhero.  Possibly not a stripper either, but let's ask a follow up question...

5a:  Is that Arch Enemy Crystal Meth or Ketamine?

If yes you're probably a stripper.  

6: Has anyone in recent memory shoved currency into your underwear?

If Yes, go to question 6a

6a:  Was it work-related?

If yes, you're a stripper.  

Unless Kingpin has some fetishes I'm not currently aware of and sometimes Daredevil just gets lonely. 

If No - and you answered yes to all above questions...

Congratulations.  You are a superhero.

That is not, however, going to help you pay for law school.


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