Our story begins with a man named Tim Lake
A resident of Phoenix, Arizona (that's one of the hot weather south-western ones, for those international readers) I recently came across Tim's heartbreaking story... um... I don't actually remember how I came across Tim's heartbreaking story to be honest.
For those who can't wait for the summary you're about to receive, here's the news report in question.
Short version (although you really should watch the news report, because it's funny as Hell) Tim ordered some of those K-cups for individual serving coffee makers and an ice cube tray from Amazon. (I know- but hold on to that thought, we'll come back to it).
According to footage from what appears to be a fairly high quality color surveillance camera watching Tim's front step (again - hold that thought for a moment) a Blond woman whom Tim accurately describes as 'At first we thought it was Dog the Bounty Hunter and he'd just really let himself go' walks up nervously to his front step, grabs Tim's Package (Easy, Shriner..) and scurries away in what can only be described as the most attention grabbing 'look-at-me-I-just-stole-something-and-a-lot-of-me-is-jiggling-in-a-way-that-makes-people-uncomfortable' way imaginable.
Tim, armed with this footage, not only printed up some impressive looking 4 color posters with screen grabs and descriptions of the incident, he also contacted the Police, The local News Outlets (based on the fact that we're watching a news story about the incident) AND set up an e-mail account for tips about the crime*
*And on that note I'd like to give a shout out to the fact that he seems to have consciously chosen AOL as the ISP for this, having determined that that was the funniest one to go with. You have to respect that kind of eye for detail. The account is HeatherbreaDriveJustice@AOL.com, for those with any interest in participating in the ongoing story.
One can only imagine what the process of filming his interview was like in person, but based on the fact that the news crew went to the effort of editing in Liam Neeson's speech from Taken, it seems clear that at least one person on the story got what Tim was doing here.
Also - the moment when Tim realizes on Camera 'Oh My God.... I could be making iced coffee right now...'* all on its own justifies the existence of the Internet.
*Or words to that effect, I didn't go back to the clip for exact wording.
Bonus point funny - the one commenter on the YouTube posting of this video who seems infuriated that Tim is so upset about this when there are so many 'like... real problems in the world, man!'
So, clearly Tim Lake is one funny dude. You have to appreciate someone who is willing to take something this minor and run it into something this ridiculous. And I appreciate the detail work - not just the usage of AOL, but also his usage of 'In the year of our lord' and the slight break in his voice while reading the poster. Nicely done.
Now on to the questions that this leaves us with-
-Why the Hell does Tim have high quality CCTV being recorded of his own front door?
-What exactly does Tim do for a living that affords him both
A- the free time do go to this much effort?
B- the cash on hand to print those posters?
-Did an Arizona local news crew SERIOUSLY just pay for the rights to use a 5 second clip from the movie Taken just for this story?
-What circumstances, exactly, led to Tim ordering an ice cube tray from Amazon. Seriously. Who goes out of their way to order an ice cube tray?
-AOL still exists? Seriously?
Come on Channel 5. Follow up on this stuff
Informed Vizsla's want to know/