Monday, April 15, 2013

I can't believe you never noticed that.

As time has gone by, I have become increasingly aware that there are a large number of things that are screamingly obvious to even the simplest Vizsla, and yet people seem curiously unaware of them.  I can't imagine why you don't see these things (and yet get all proud of yourselves for seeing the 'color red', whatever the hell that is)  BUT...

Here are some things that Vizsla's are shocked to discover that you don't notice-

1:  Ryan Gosling is clearly some sort of robot from the future.

Most likely some sort of hip-urban-jiggl-o-matic. Not sure why you don't notice it.  I mean - Have you SEEN Lars and the Real Girl?

2: Schroedinger was actually kidding.

Sure, NOW you're all down with light being both a particle and a wave, and everybody's going around discussing how you can know an electron's location OR it's momentum, but NEVER both, and HOW many times have I been at a tedious dinner party listening to some pretentious buffoon go on about the standard deviation of position σx and the standard deviation of momentum σ...  BUT-  When Schroedinger first considered it he basically said 'What a load of crap!  You might as well say that you can use math to prove that my cat is simultaneously dead and alive!'*

It was not intended to be the basis for a million oh-so-clever science references on Big Bang Theory.  It was what we in the Vizsla trade refer to as a reductio ad absurdum that got taken WAY too seriously.

Oh forget it.  Take a minute to look at Ryan Gosling's abs to clear your pretty little head and come back to me when you've calmed down.

*It would have sounded WAY classier when he said it, because it would have been in German.

3:  Border Healers are, for some reason, afraid of the ironing board.

Also the Vacuum cleaner.  And the Christmas tree.  And air.

4:  Daddy looks good in a suit
You'd be amazed how many people don't notice this.

5:  The fifth element is Boron

Not adamant.
Not quintessence.

It's Boron, people.
It's never saved the world from sexy french aliens,
but it IS a created by cosmic ray spallation and not by steller nuclearsynthesis,
so in this instance Bruce Willis can go suck it.
Vizsla out.  You may now recommence staring at Ryan Gosling.

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