Friday, September 6, 2013

I'm desperately resisting the Honey Boo Boo joke here...

So today over the course of casual conversation I discovered that it's possible to make your own graham crackers.

I know, right???

Being completely blown away with this new and wonderful knowledge I raced to 'The Google' to find out how such a magical thing could be possible.  (as a side note and topic for another day - Am I the only one who thinks the celebratory Google Doodle has gotten completely out of hand?)

Naturally 'The Google' Immediately brought me to Martha Stewart, because- prison term be damned- she is still the go to resource for this sort of thing.

Turns out that they're pretty much flour, wheat germ, brown sugar and something called a 'fluted pastry wheel' which can not possibly be as cool as it sounds.

Then, lurking at the bottom of the ingredients list - 'High Quality Honey'

That's right.  Only your high quality honey need apply

None of your sloughing off with that crap honey I know you're hoping to use.  Nu...Uh.  No Sir.  Or Ma'am.  It's hard to tell by your outfit.

That stuff in the plastic bear?  I don't think so.  I think we should both pretend like you didn't even suggest it.

This of course led to an in-depth discussion of where low-quality honey comes from.  The obvious answer - bees who live in tiny little bee trailers who wear sleeveless T-shirts and play beer pong.  With tiny little mustangs up on blocks in their front yards because one of these days they're going to get around to fixing that thing.

And every once in a while one of the uncles accidentally pulls out his own sting and dies.*

*In case you were unaware - bees can sting only once.  Their stinger pulls out and then they shortly thereafter die.  Vizsla = Knowledge.

No comments:

Post a Comment