As told in Epistolary format*
*It means a story told through letters or other 'real world sources, such as news clippings, tweets, etc. You know, like Dracula. No, not the movie, the book.
Dame Maggie Smith. dbe
C/O <Redacted>
May 10th, 2010
My Dear Dame Maggie,
I hope that it's not too presumptuous writing you out of the blue like this. I recently discovered that my handlers were acquainted socially with some of your 'people', and the opportunity was simply too good to pass by for me to tell you how much I've enjoyed your work over the years. Not just Downton Abbey (although that's been nothing but charming, and a long overdue platform for your ample talents) but also The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, The Harry Potter films, and - my personal favorite - Tea with Mussolini.
Wishing you all the best in your continued success,
Sir Mix-A-Lot, og
Sir Mix-A-Lot
C/O <redacted
May 15th, 2010
My Dearest Sir Mix-A-Lot,
It was with the greatest delight that I received your epistle of May the 10th, Year of our Lord 2010. I am so pleased that you've enjoyed my work over the years and I must confess to being more than a passing fan of your body of work as well.
It is my sincerest hope that our mutual admiration will lead to a full and vibrant friendship.
Yours,
Dame Maggie
p.s. I note that you will be touring in the west counties shortly. Might I be so bold as to suggest a formal introduction where me may perhaps compare thoughts on our art over a glass of port?
Dame Maggie Smith. dbe
C/O <Redacted>
May 30th, 2010
Dear Maggie,
I would be only too happy to accept your very gracious invitation and look forward to receiving details of a suitable location and time from your agency
Yours in companionship,
Mix
Sir Mix-A-Lot
C/O <redacted
June 13th, 2010
My Dearest Mixie,
Ever since our all-too-brief night together at the Crown and Bell I find myself unable to tear my thoughts away from the memories of your sweet embrace, your loving words, and your anaconda. Please tell me that my hopes are not in vain an that there can possibly be a future for two such star crossed souls as we, for I have seen your heart, and it truly has more junk in its trunk than a dame of the British Empire could ever have hoped to access,
Yours with flushed loins,
D MS
Dame Maggie Smith. dbe
C/O <Redacted>
July 4th, 2010
My one and only Mags,
My junk must be India, because you have colonized it completely. Counting the moments until we can meet again,
Big M-a-L
Sir Mix-A-Lot
C/O <redacted
May 15th, 2010
Big Daddy M,
The countless tedious hours filming Downton are but a whack rhyme to your dope beats. Say that you will meet me at the manor window at midnight and steal me away
Counting the moments,
Sistah MS
Dame Maggie Smith. dbe
C/O <Redacted>
August 5th, 2010
My Dearest Dame Smith
It is with sincere sorrow that we must report to you that your beloved, Sgt. Major Mix-A-Lot, was lost in heavy storms while flying a dangerous solo mission over the channel.
We're sure you appreciate the importance of our continued struggle against Gerry and the depth of gratitude that we feel to our brave airmen fighting back their menace from English Soil.
Sincerely,
The British War Office
And totally not Sir Mix-A-Lot
Because he is dead now.
Peace out.
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