It goes without saying that the Internet is evil. By and large.
The specific evil I'm currently thinking about is the software that allows ads to make note of something that you've looked at on the Internet and then follows you around forever throwing ads at you for things that are sort of in that same ballpark.
Also known as - that stupid software that means I'm being bombarded with ads for Sarah Freakin' Brightman every freakin' time I turn around. (I had to look up some info about her for work, I swear)
Less explicibly - Somehow Facebook has decided that I need to buy underwear.
Snicker all you like, I have absolutely no idea how it got this idea. I can assure you that I have not spent any significant (i.e. any) time at work cruising for underwear. And yet, it seems that every third ad Facebook pops at me (and my but they sure have a lot of ads these days...) is for some sort of trendy (and one assumes expensive) underthings.
Today's ad took things slightly farther and advertised the britches in question with the line - 'Find out why we're the most stolen underwear in the world'
Sweet fuzzy Jesus on a mizzenmast, WHAT???
Just for starters - If you're not Tom Jones (as most of us are not) who the Hell wants someone else's underwear?
And if - as the ad suggests - it's the quality of the underwear itself that urges thieves to come out of the woodwork just to run off with them then one assumes the thieves intent is to wear the aforementioned underwear themselves. Which brings us neatly to the question 'Who in their right mind goes out of their way to wear someone else's underwear??? I don't even understand why Ragstock has a second hand underwear bin, let alone a criminal underground trafficking the stuff.
And as suggested by the post title - who exactly is compiling this underwear theft data? Is there a bureau of underwear statistics that I was previously, mercifully, unaware of?
And who says to themselves, 'Self, your underwear has been stolen! You'd better file a police report!'
Perhaps they are supporting their claim on the foundation that one person one time reporting a pair of their brand of underwear stolen (probably after a case of Miller High Life) and since no one else has ever, in the history of time, reported a pair of underwear stolen that makes them the most stolen just by default.
I demand a stolen underwear probe to clear this matter up.