Sunday, October 20, 2013

Vizsla Flashback - As Regards my Application to the X-Men

If it wasn't for the Adam Baldwin/Manatee thing this would probably still be my favorite column ever...

As Regards my Application to the X-Men

I confess, I was somewhat disappointed with my letter of response from the X-Men regarding my application.

I mean, it's not even from Professor X himself- just some stupid temp.

Ah Well.  Next Year.  There's always next year.

Here's the text of the letter I received, as picture above.  As a side note I quite like their stationary.  Understated and classy.

Dear Mr. Vizsla,
Thank you very much for your application.  We regret to inform you however that due to the reasons listed below we are unable to accept you for admittance to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters at this time.
In response to Question 1 – 
Describe your super power highlighting the circumstances under which it first manifested.
Your Answer – While lying in bed yesterday morning I looked at the clock and it was time to get up.  I stretched and looked again and it was suddenly an hour before I had to get up.  I can only conclude that I successfully turned back my relative time by one hour for the sake of being better rested.  No data as to whether the rest of the world experienced the same hour over again or If I traveled relative to the common timeframe solo.
Question 1b:  What name would your power lead you to adopt should you be made a member of the X-Men
Your Answer – The Snooze.
Mr. Vizsla, I am honestly unsure where to even begin responding to this answer.  Disregarding, for the moment, the fact that the most likely explanation of your experience was that you simply misread the clock at first glance; it’s unclear to our admissions committee how such a power might be useful in the battle against Evil.  Or against crime.  Or against anything except the occasional difficulty really getting going in the morning before that first cup of coffee.
Furthermore, we regret to point out that the name ‘The Snooze’ is not terribly likely to inspire fear in the heart of the aforementioned Evil and/or Crime.  For one thing it’s been used on at least two occasions on the show Cougar Town as a slang word for a certain portion of female anatomy and we at the School for the Gifted really don’t have time for the sort of schoolboy shenanigans to which throwing it out there as a nom-du-guerre would inevitably lead.   
One shudders to imagine your ideas on costuming.
We thank you for your interest in our organization, and wish you the best in your future crimefighting efforts
Milton Tompkins
Senior Intern
Xavier’s School for the Gifted
OK - First off, being well rested is TOTALLY necessary for fighting crime and/or evil.  But whatever.  No big deal.  
And my costume would have been awesome.


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