Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Ballad of Adam Baldwin and the Manatee

<Sung to the tune of the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald>

A. Baldwin went down
to the south side of town
cause for port waters he was a'yearning

When he got to the quay
he was shocked as good be
by a voice he heard while he was turning

It said 'pardon me sir
but I must know for sure
You're a Baldwin, but not Alec's brother

In that movie years back, it
was Full Metal Jacket
I believe you played Animal Mother...'

<Music break>

Said Adam, 'tis true
and in 2002
I played Jayne on the starship Seren'ty

But what seems much less clear
if there's no one else here
who is there?  Am I going dement-y?  <I am so sorry about that...>

<music break>

'Heaven's no!' said the call
'have no worries at all,
just look off of the pier and you'll see me.'

And when Adam looked out
he exclaimed with a shout
'Holy Crap, are you that big Manatee?'

And he saw it was true
in the sea deep and blue
this was much more than just a plain rubric

there a manatee, gazing,
but much more amazing
this sea cow, he sure knew his Kubrick!

<music break>

'I'm so sorry, how rude',
Adam said, like a dude 
I sure hope that did not sound offensive

I'm just all of a twitter
at such a sea critter'
The manatee looked at him, pensive

 Adam felt like a jerk
'I've just enjoyed your work'
said the Manatee - just a bit bitter

All his hope Adam seized
if this fan could be pleased
he might not trash talk 'bout him on Twitter

<Really long musical break>

'I'm so sorry,' said Adam
and thought that he had him
when he asked what to do for apology

'Well', the Manatee said,
I have got this friend Fred
And I'm sure he would never forgive all of me   <Well YOU come up with a rhyme>

If I didn't just ask
It's not much of a task
but if you could sign this picture

Adam said with a grin
let me hop right on in
and I'll sign it without any stricture

<One last musical break>

And he jumped in the water
but he shouldn't aughter
Cause when he swam up with his Sharpie

The Manatee reared,
knocked him ass over ear 
And he sank 'neath the waves like a carp-ie

Now when Autumn's winds howl
and the manatee's prowl
and they swim just as fast as they can race

Whether fish or a whale,
think of Adam's sad tale
and do NOT ever piss off your fanbase.....

<Vamp out...>

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