Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Great Expectorations

First off, I apologize for that title.  Apparently one side effect of the constant intake of cough syrup is a significant lowering of my pun-threshold.

As you might have picked up on in the previous sentence, for the last three weeks I've been going through more than a drop or two of cough syrup as one or both of my lungs attempts to systematically flee my body through my esophagus. 

Over that time I flatter myself that I've become something of an authority on cough syrup.  And should there ever be an episode of Bones that requires an expert witness in that field I look forward to being called, as I have a tenuous grasp on the differentiation between Television and Reality.

I began the journey using a brand that I won't mention by name in order to not get sued, which was advertised as having the flavor of 'honey', but could be more accurately described as the flavor of  'rancid ass'.  I suppose the quality time gagging and attempting to not vomit did successfully distract me from coughing.

From there I went to a brand that I'm going to go ahead and call Robitussin, as I don't plan on saying anything libelous about them.  Nice cherry flavor.  A bit on the viscous side, but that's what one gets when one drinks cough syrup.  My only real complaint is that the bottle was a bit smaller than the Bottle o' Butthole and yet was slightly more expensive.

I was however gratified that I could still get it off the shelf by myself and didn't have to go to the pharmacy with an ID and a sperm sample to purchase some.  (I'm looking at YOU, Claritin...)

After that I thought I'd save a bit of money and get the in-store generic off-brand equivalent of Robitussin, because I am occasionally cheap.  Unfortunately, due to the convention of changing the first syllable of the brand name product to the in store brand name meant that I ended up buying a bottle of 'up-tussin', which is exactly what I stopped taking the first syrup to avoid.

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