I know. You're welcome.
Some of them are even applicable to why there's been no posts for two days
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then we'll begin.
1: I was making Pants.
I refer you to the article about the Halloween Costume for an explanation of why it was important to focus on this. Besides - check how the work was totally worth it...
Big. Yellow. Pants.
2: I've been resonating concrete
This is actually more useful than it looks at first blush
3: Government Shutdown. Sorry.
After collectively taking it from behind as a country to the tune of 24 billion without the courtesy of a reach around (and thanks again for that, Tea Party.) the least they can do is allow us to blame everything and anything on them. It's. just. fair. (and for some reason I totally just pictured myself as Helen Slater in the Legend of Billie Jean as I typed that. Troubling.)
4: I was in Phuket unexpectedly.
When it doubt, distract them by offering up a tasty cheap laugh primarily fueled by America's continued insistence on knowing as little as possible about world geography.
5: I was Pooping.
True story - I knew a guy in High School who was constantly running late to classes (no, I'm not talking about me, although I was also consistently late). One day he discovered that if a teacher asks you why you're late and you reply 'I had Diarrhea' it abruptly ends the conversation. Take this knowledge and use it wisely.
6: There's a chance I may have been drunk for a week or so.
What day is it? And where are my pants?